30-Day Blogging Challenge, Day 18: Something About My Shoes?
Today’s topic is supposed to be about my shoes. I’m not even kidding. Many of you know how much I love shoes, but making a whole post about them seemed sort of boring, so I’ve decided to go a bit more metaphorical.
Popular Conventions for Conventions
Irregular ChoiceAnytime a conference or a convention rolls around, somebody trots out the usual old advice: “You’ll be walking a lot, so wear comfortable shoes.” Anybody who’s ever met me at a convention knows I never listen. It’s one of my only chances to wear some of my funkier shoes, and I’m not about to pass that up. Wear your slippers or your Crocs if you like — to each their own! — but I’m pulling out my Irregular Choice, thank you very much.
In this case, I’ll go ahead and choose the less comfortable option.
But I’m not here today to talk about conventions, either. I want to talk about life. (And a little bit about social media.)
Random Airport Wisdom
Back in August, my family traveled to Minnesota to visit my sisters. The security line at DIA that day was enormous. We checked our bags, then took the escalator down to the lower floor (where security is). It wasn’t just the three of us, of course. We were in a large clump of people who shuffled down the aisle and ended up in this huge security line. The problem was that the line of people coming down from the escalator merged with a line of people who happened to already be on the lower floor, and some woman behind us freaked out because she’d already been in line, but now this second line was merging with hers.
In short, we were cutting.
On one hand, I get it. She’d already made progress in this line. Now a second group of people is being forced to merge into her line, and in her estimation, we’re all line-jumping. For those of us coming down from the second floor, that was simply where the lines merged. It wasn’t as if anybody was intentionally pushing in at the wrong place. What it really boiled down to was that airports are busy and frustrating and sucky, and long security lines make things worse.
Was It Worth It?
Of course not.
Now, I don’t know this woman. I don’t know if she was heading home from a business trip or a funeral, or headed out for her dream vacation in Morocco. All I know is, neither one of us could control the security line. She chose to let a bit of airport mayhem ruin her day, and I in turn chose to let her anger ruin mine. Did either of us benefit?
No.
Do you see what I’m getting at?
We each made a CHOICE, and we both chose poorly. Metaphorically, we both chose to wear tight-toed, 5-inch heels to that particular convention of clusterfuckery.
Recurring Themes
If you’ve read my books (especially Coda), you’ll know this is one of my recurring themes. We can’t control the world. The only thing we can control is how we react to it. Like Kasey Musgrave says, “You’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t, so you might as well just do whatever you want.” (This was, in fact, one of the theme songs for Shotgun, and there’s a reason Jared gets to be the person who sums it up for Dom.)
For myself, I’ve taken this a bit further, and it’s a big part of why you don’t see me on social media these days. It’s not that I don’t care about issues. I really do. It’s just that I care about my sanity too.
And frankly, I’m sick of all the yelling.
Anti-Social Media
Social media is full of rage. It’s full of people blasting their opinions in frenzied egomaniacal bursts. I get it, because we all see people doing and saying things we don’t like. We think that if we just yell a little louder or use a few more F-bombs while stating our position, we’ll convince them otherwise.
Here’s the thing though: it doesn’t work.
Has anybody EVER, in the history of social media, changed their opinion about something important because of a tweet?
No. No matter how much we bluster and yell and stomp our feet, the entire world is never going to fall in line with our exact idea of how things should be.
“But…” somebody will say, “that’s how change happens.”
No sweetheart, it isn’t. Change happens when people actively LISTEN. And NOBODY’S listening. You can stand on that soapbox all day with your bullhorn, but until somebody decides to LISTEN, you won’t change a thing.
But… But… It Must Work!
No. It really doesn’t. Internet rage is like the guy who shows up at the end of Broncos games and stands by the exit holding up a big sign that says “Jesus Saves”. I’ve seen him there almost every game for twelve years now. He waves his sign in the air and yells and points at people and practically jumps up and down on his box (yes, he actually brings a little box to stand on).
Here’s the real question though: how many people do you think have had their lives changed thanks to his sign? Sure, a few fellow believers might give him a high five, but do you think ANYBODY, on their way to the car, has had a spiritual revelation? Do you think even one person has stopped and said, “Please sir, tell me more?”
No. I’d bet everything I own he’s converted exactly zero people.
Shouting at people never creates positive change. I guarantee, the only people listening are the ones making fun, or the ones who already agree.
So… Do Nothing?
Of course not. But if you really want to change the world, get off Twitter. Go find somebody on the other side of an issue. Sit down, face-to-face, and have a heart-to-heart with them. Don’t yell. Don’t lecture. You have to listen, too. That’s the only way true change ever happens.
If that’s too hard (and I get it, because I’m allergic to conflict), then find a worthy (reputable) cause and throw some money at it. Charities, causes, and and campaigns ALWAYS need money. Better yet, volunteer some of the most valuable commodity you possess: your time.
But whatever you do, don’t kid yourself that raging on Facebook or Twitter counts as activism. Hitting “like” never saved a life, and changing your avatar isn’t doing a god damned thing.
Isn’t This Post About Shoes?
Yes, in a round-about way. We’re about halfway between a tangent and a long walk in the weeds, so bear with me.
It all comes back to that old metaphor of life as a journey. We don’t get to control where it begins or where it ends. We don’t get to control the road, or the obstacles, or the people we have to deal with along the way. We don’t get to control whether or not our line has to merge, or whether the airport will have twenty security points open, or only one.
The one and ONLY thing we get to control is HOW WE REACT.
In other words, we DO get to choose which pair of shoes we put on to make our journey. We can spend our days raging and shouting and pointing our fingers until we’re blue in the face. That’s the torturous high-heel option, where we generally make ourselves miserable but don’t actually change a damned thing. Or we can choose something a bit more practical. Maybe the heavy-duty, comfortable work boots (where we close our browser and go actually WORK for change), or our comfortable, fuzzy slippers (which is more of a “lead by example” philosophy), or our ratty old Crocs (which must be the “Screw you, I do what I want!” option).
For myself, I may choose high heels for conventions, but for my day-to-day life, I choose the slippers. Or maybe my $12 knock-off Kedz. Because I recognize the irony in ranting pointlessly on the internet about how people on the internet won’t stop pointlessly ranting. The internet will continue to be full of porn and rage. I can’t change that. But I CAN choose how much I let it ruin my day.
And that’s why I’m boycotting social media.
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