Kung Foolery

Here's a little bit of fluff that I wrote from a prompt ("I know Kung Fu") for the writer's group I'm in.

"I know Kung Fu."

"What?"

"I said I know Kung Fu."

"Kung Foot?"

"Fu. Kung Fu."

"Yeah, so do I. He owns that takeout place down on 23rd."

"No, no, no! This isn't about food. It's about self-defense."

"So this Kung Fu character, he's like in the mafia, only Chinese, and if I cross you, he's going to send some guys over to my place with swords?"

"No. Any damage I do will be done with my hands and feet."

"So you're telling me that I should be afraid of you because, even though I'm the one with the gun, you're the one with the hands and feet?"

"That's exactly it. Stop laughing."

"Sorry. Can't help myself."

"You're going to be sorrier in just a minute, because–"

"Yeah, I know. You know Kung Foot."

"Fu. Kung Fu. It's a deadly martial art."

"Marshall art? Isn't that like a cop in the old west? Sheriff, that's the word."

"Scoff if you must. Kung Fu is a very serious discipline, one that has made my entire body into a weapon. A deadly weapon."

"So how come you ain't used it yet?"

"I'm only going to use it if I have to."

"I feel the same way about this here gun."

"It's no match for my Kung Fu."

"Do you have any idea what the muzzle velocity of this gun is? I think a bullet can move a lot faster than you can with your King Kong."

"It's Kung Fu. And I could have disabled you now and left you writhing on the ground in pain."

"But you didn't."

"You didn't shoot me, either."

"That's because if I shoot you, it's an even worse crime than robbing you. All I want is your wallet. I'm not wanting to shoot you over it."

"So why do you have the gun?"

"To make you give me your wallet. You're supposed to be scared of me."

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"Because I know Kung Fu."

"So why haven't you used it yet?"

"Why haven't you shot me yet? Maybe you don't have any bullets."

"Maybe you don't really know Kung Fu."

"It appears, then, that we are at an impasse."

"What's that?"

"Oh, forget it. Just take my damn wallet."

"Tell you what. Gimme what cash you have and you can have my gun."