Christy Writes: Asking the Real Questions
I’ve just come back from another of my ordination examinations – this one a four-hour psychological assessment. I didn’t know until after I’d already started down this path that such an assessment is required of anyone who is seeking ordination in the church.
My friend, who I’ll just call The Rev, told me not to stress too much about it. “My theory is that everyone who wants to be a minister is crazy,” he said cheerfully. “It’s just a question of management.”
Indeed.
As I was pulling into the parking lot of the building where the therapist was waiting to assess me, I realized that no question she could ask would tell her more about me than the fact that I had listened to Andy Gibb’s Greatest Hits for the duration of the 90-minute drive.
The assessment was long and thorough, which I suppose is a good thing. She showed me pictures on cards and had me tell her a story about each one. She showed me a series of patterns and had me tell her what came next. But the most fascinating thing about the whole process to me was the 500-plus question written exam that asked me questions like whether I ever heard voices in my head. Or in other people’s heads.
I emailed The Rev when I was finished.
“I told them I hate the government, like to eat chalk, and that my best friend is an invisible giant panda named Mr. Bobo. Think that was okay?”
“There’s nothing wrong with eating chalk,” he answered.
As I was driving back, I started thinking about their questions, and how different they were than what I’d ask, were I put in charge of this assessment. I personally think mine would be much more revealing. And helpful. Such as:
1. How aggressive a driver are you?
a) Not aggressive at all
b) Somewhat aggressive
c) Dangerously aggressive
d) New Jersey
2. Pumpkin Spice. Yay or nay?
a) Yay
b) Nay
c) Don’t really care
d) Oh please God, make it stop
3. When you’re stuck in traffic are you most likely to be…
a) Swearing
b) Crying
c ) Snacking
d) All of the above
4. How wild was your young adulthood?
a) Not wild in the least
b) A little wild
c) Why, what have you heard?
d) Charlie Sheen
5. At what age did you find out there is no Santa?
a) 5-6
b) 7-8
c) 9-10
d) What?!
6. Does this video make you…
a) Laugh
b) Laugh hysterically
c) Laugh until you wet your pants
d) There are no other options. Get out of here.
7. When you wake unexpectedly in the middle of the night do you…
a) Yawn, roll over, and go back to sleep
b) Glance at the clock, realize you don’t have to be up for hours, feel smug,
and go back to sleep
c) Blame your partner for waking you with his / her weird sounds
d) Spend the rest of the night listening to your brain go over every worry
you’ve had in the past 19 years
8. How many Girl Scout Peanut Butter Patties can you eat at one sitting?
a) Half a box
b) The whole box
c) What an invasive question, who are you to judge me?
d) I’m allergic to peanuts but try me with Thin Mints
9. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
a) No
b) What do you mean had?
b) All my friends have been imaginary
c) Does the cast of Seinfeld count?
10. If Lifetime made a movie about your life, it would be called…
a) You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me
b) Are You Gonna Finish That?
c) Tears, Chocolate, and Gin
d) Wow, THAT Wasn’t A Good Idea
Cat in the Box
The post Christy Writes: Asking the Real Questions appeared first on Christy The Writer.
