Confessing Secrets
(John Crist is a longtime guest contributor to SCL. His guest post last week was hilarious! Today he's teamed up with his college/20-somethings pastor Aaron Stern to write about secrets. Stern just released a new book called What's Your Secret?: freedom through confession available on Amazon. Enjoy!)
Confessing Secrets by John Crist
I'm in an accountability group with seven guys from church and our college/20-somethings pastor, Aaron Stern. Every week we go around the circle with the obligatory "what terrible decisions did you make this week?" and usually, someone's got a secret to tell. But there's an art to confession. It's the exact opposite of eating a Reese's Cup, there are plenty of wrong ways to do it.
Stern's book will teach you how to do it the right way. Here's the wrong way, accompanied by my typical response.
The TMI Guy:
Confession: I met this tall, brown haired girl with blue shorts and grey Nike's at the 5:30 spin class at Gold's Gym last Thursday. We talked about her ex-boyfriend Dan and how he cheated on her at a Motel 6 with her roommate Michelle… and then we made out in my Honda Civic in the parking lot of the Sonic on Academy Blvd for seven hours.
Response: A simple 'I made out with a girl' would have been just fine. Now I can never enjoy a Sonic Blast again, awesome.
The Rationalizer Guy:
Confession: My car has a dead battery and it keeps stalling out which stresses me out so I've been drinking a lot recently. But I was encouraged this week because I met someone that was a real alcoholic and at least I'm not as bad as that guy.
Response: Use AAA to jump your car, and then head straight to AA.
The 'Confessing-Sins-of-Another-Person' Guy:
Confession: I was out at a restaurant and I saw Kyle (sitting to his right) drinking. It was just tough to be in that environment after seeing Chris (sitting to his left) at a party last week smoking pot. I'm just struggling to find the balance between being in the world, but not of it you know?
Response: Your house might be burnt down by the time you get home, just sayin…
The Vague-ish Guy:
Confession: I've been 'struggling' with some 'issues' lately and I've been experiencing some 'temptations' that are turning into 'trials' that could lead to 'stumbling blocks' in my life.
Response: None. (Googling 'stumbling blocks'…)
The 'Wait,-Is-This-Wrong?' Guy:
Confession: So, I started this little accounting project at work where I round every transaction to the lowest cent and then I set up a personal bank account where I've been accumulating money for several months. Should I invest that in stocks or mutual funds?
Response: …Um, yeah…we're gonna need you to come in on Saturday… (reference anyone?)
The 'Confessing-Things-That-Aren't-Sins' Guy:
Confession: The last couple weeks have been tough. I've been volunteering at church every night and I don't have any money anymore because I gave it all away to a homeless guy I met on the street last week after volunteering as a fire fighter after staying up late reading the Bible too much because I couldn't sleep because I was out all night rescuing stray cats.
Response: I quit this group.
Have you ever experience an awkward confession?
What about you, ever struggled to find the best way to confess something?
John Crist as a writer and standup comedian whose life has been changed by confession. Check out his story in chapter 7 of Aaron Stern's book What's Your Secret?: freedom through confession available on Amazon and for more from John, visit his Youtube Channel.
