Lose the Obsession with Perfection

Perfectionism is the enemy of the Good. Y'know, this can be a really hard lesson for some people to learn. We set such high standards for ourselves (and for others) and are so determined to always put out best foot forward that we end up thwarting our own best efforts. There's nothing wrong with having a passion for excellence unless that determination to maintain the highest possible standard starts working against our best interests.

Here's a case in point. I got this letter from J:

Gail, I'm so frustrated. Every time I try to make the budget balance, I find something's happened to throw me off track. It might be a school event – those darn bake sales – or something goes wrong with the car. Last month my daughter broke her arm and between time off work to take her to the doctor and the clothes I'm going to have to replace because I had to cut some of her clothes for the cast, I'm falling behind again. I just feel like giving up.

Here's what I wrote back:

Hon, I'm sorry that you're finding the budget frustrating, but it's not really the budget… it's your attitude to the budget. Crap happens in life. Things will always come along to throw off our best-laid plans. You've got to be able to roll with the punches and deal with your reality. So here are a couple of things you should think about:

1. Have you made the budget too tight? If you're running too close to the edge, and you have no wiggle room, that can make your Perfect Budget unworkable. Build in a little extra into some of those categories, or create a curve-ball account to deal with life's surprises.

2. Do you have an emergency fund? See, that time off work to take care of your daughter… that's an emergency. If you have an emergency fund, this is the time to tap it. Some people become so obsessed with keeping their emergency fund intact, they forget that the purpose of the emergency fund is to deal with shortfalls in income you couldn't predict.

If you find you have a hard time starting things, and an even harder time finishing them, because you're afraid of doing it "wrong", you may be suffering from perfectionism. But I have news for you. The world does not reward perfectionists. It rewards people who get things done. If you're so obsessed with having it perfect that you can't act, you're letting your super-high standards get in the way. You might as well be total incompetent for all the progress you're making.

You must act. And if you're only 76% right, hey, you'll get another chance to smooth out the wrinkles. Next time you'll get it 79%. And over time, you'll get better and better and better.

You may never get it perfect. You've got to know when good enough is good enough and take satisfaction from what you've achieved, instead of beating yourself up for what's missing.

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