SURVIVING THE DEATH OF YOUR SPOUSE - Insights from SIPS OF SUSTENANCE (Part 7)

Somewhere along our journey through grief after the death of a spouse, a newly bloomed jonquil, a playful song on the radio, or perhaps a child’s laughter as he jumps gleefully into a mud puddle will bring a smile to our face. But just as suddenly, we may stop the wave of joy, feeling guilty that we could possibly be happy when our beloved is gone, unable to enjoy the scene that produced the smile. Irrationally, we think we owe it to our spouse to be sad, afraid we would be betraying the love we shared if we found joy again. At such times, we would be wise to recall the wisdom of Rose Kennedy, who had ample cause to succumb to life’s tragedies, when she posed this question: “Birds sing after a storm—why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?”

Life goes on. Not the life we had anticipated, but surely our spouse would not have wanted us to shield ourselves from happiness, to shy away from joy. Yes, we will miss our spouse until the day we die, but we should not deny ourselves the opportunity to love life again. In SIPS OF SUSTENANCE, I ask, “What does it take from us to love life again?” My response is that we have to open our hearts to share love—with someone who is ill, with a lonely child, with another grieving person; in short, with anyone who needs love. In sharing love, we can find the rainbow that follows the storm that threatened to destroy our lives.