Are Empires Ever Safe?The question is worth asking. What'...

Are Empires Ever Safe?
The question is worth asking. What's the best way to protect an empire?
I mean, if you're going to have an empire, you might as well do it right. Who wants to repeat that Roman fiasco (for the history-challenged, that's The Roman Empire - not the firing of Buffalo Bill's offensive coordinator Greg Roman -- plus, for those out there who sexted during history class and now get your world knowledge from Ozzy and Jack's World Detour - a prime example of a History Channel educational offering - I don't suggest reading any farther: there's no pop-up visuals so what's the friggin' point? It's like what Bill Hicks said: “Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye”).

But hey, if you seriously believe you need 900 military bases in 153 countries to protect your right to play Pokeman Go, post the latest pics of your short-hair pretty kitty to Instagram, compete at Walmart's Black Friday sales events, accumulate another dozen virtual Facebook friends, or watch 500 channels of Direct TV from the cushy confines of your person-cave - then managing how you secure your American Dream Empire is worth some CPU cycles - at least on your backup device.

So - you can Google on it all day. There's a ton of information out there. But even if you go to all the trouble of having your iPhone AI App read it all for you and produce a 30-second video summation - when you finally view it (probably while watching re-runs of Transparent), the CGI from Google's DeepMind might be too intense to make much sense of it, at least during those perky commercial breaks featuring Beyonce grinding with the latest cola. Never mind, they say you can't trust what you read on the internet anyway. I read that online somewhere. But it had five stars and a lot of thumbs-up. So there.

The funny thing is, the world is getting really funny. I mean fucking hilarious. Have you noticed? I sincerely hope I survive all the conspiracy theories and disinformation campaigns produced by the Dark Intelligence Web (hey Langley/Bluffdale trolls, you know who you are you pesky rascals - you've got everyone really nipping at each other over antagonistic bullshit, way to go with that 'split and subdue' or however it goes). Funny does it - I mean, this shit's getting too funny, if that's possible. Ever get to the point when you've laughed so much that you beg "No! No! No more!" as you gasp for air? That's the kind of hilarious we're at. I just hope I survive long enough to see the Colossal Cosmic Punchline that you just know is waiting for us at the end of this madness. I get a big hard-on smile just thinking about it.

For example, the American Dream Empire decided by corporate, banking, and bureaucratic consensus (that of, for, by the people thing got to be a drag) that the Empire needed a brand new weapon system. It really sounded nice, the way it was sold. This one weapon was going to protect the Empire from enemies foreign and domestic. Each branch of the Armed Services would get its own version of the one weapon. It was marketed as being at the lofty "5th Generational" level, which is tech-speak for world-class cutting-edge shit. This thing was so advanced, so glitzy, so techie, so stealthy, so bad-ass that the American Dream Empire could easily sell this thing to its allies. This was not just a weapon or a weapon system - this was a weapon program. Wow!

Of course, this weapon program would cost $1.5 Trillion. That's an estimate, expect cost overruns. But hey, it's a small price to pay to have the most god-awful shit-kickin' weapon reaching around the global conglomerate, ensuring peace and democracy for the Empire.

The price tag did bring out the whiny naysayers, as expected. Somewhere, someone whispered, "Is this good military strategy or just good economics for someone's profit?"  You've heard it before, no sense giving such tripe any space here. We won't give a platform to anyone who would jeopardize Homeland Security. We all want to be secure. The Empire needs to be secure. End of discussion.

The day finally came when the to-die-for weapon system came off the assembly line. Flags waved and security-sounding music blared in Dolby Digital Surround 7.1. The press eagerly jockeyed for the money shot, even though they had already received a glossy press packet from corporate marketers. The anticipation was too much...

And there it was -- an airplane.

Wait a minute. We were expecting some UFO technology or something. We're not going to beam up to the Enterprise? You're spending $1.5 Trillion on one plane? I mean, it's a nice plane, I guess, but give me the breakdown of how this thing costs so much. A guy leaning on the hangar door waved me over. He said matter-of-factly:

"Winslow Wheeler, a staff member at the Project On Government Oversight and a long-time critic of the F-35 program, reported that American taxpayers will pay between $148 million and $337 million per jet in 2015, depending on the model.

'A single Air Force F-35A costs a whopping $148 million. One Marine Corps F-35B costs an unbelievable $251 million. A lone Navy F-35C costs a mind-boggling $337 million. Average the three models together, and a 'generic' F-35 costs $178 million,' Wheeler wrote.

'It gets worse. These are just the production costs. Additional expenses for research, development, test and evaluation are not included,' he added." 


The American Dream Empire Now Feels Safer

In the background, the patriotic music swelled and the "Mission Accomplished" banners flapped in the unleaded A-1 breeze. Reporters got the scoop that the Brits, Norwegians, and Italians were going to put their orders in - the Brits eventually to get 40 of the new birds. Fantastic! The Empire feels safer already. Several key stock prices just went up.

Only one problem. Now, I would expect the Ruskies to be behind this but no - to everyone's surprise, the problem comes from a British General. Right before he retired, General Richard Barrons submitted a 10-page memo to his superiors, just in case they'd like to read it. It was a parting gift, a take-it-or-leave-it view of things, from his experience.

How -- and why would a British General cause problems for the Empire's Homeland Security? Was he a mole? A double-agent? What was behind that explosive 10-page memo? A demonic agenda to weaken the free world? Why would he do such a thing? Just what did he say that caused massive anal leakage at the Pentagon?

The good general merely noted that it wouldn't be necessary for an enemy to engage the new super weapon to defeat it. All an enemy had to do was to identify the specially-trained pilots and then "know how to murder in their beds" all 40 pilots. The super-duper weapon was so sophisticated that only 40 pilots in all of the UK knew how to pilot them. Take out the pilots and the $1.5 Trillion dollar weapon program was de-facto defunct. The general noted in his memo that he saw an over-reliance on a small amount of expensive equipment. It wasn't good military strategy. But did anyone tell the good general it made for excellent business? No doubt he got a memo in return.

And when it rains, it pours. Not long after the General's memo got out, the awesome new weapon had to be grounded. The American Dream Empire announced the grounding of its F-35 Joint Strike Fighters, just over a month after they were declared "combat ready." The decision affected the most expensive weapons system ever made. It was "due to the discovery of peeling and crumbling insulation in avionics cooling lines inside the fuel tanks," the Air Force said in a statement.

Oh, geez, can this get funnier? Oh yes it can (I'm gasping for air!)
Russia has just shown off its new drone design to hunt F-35's - their design is similar to the American Dream Empire's X-47B UCAV prototype (unmanned combat air vehicle).



This follows on the heels of China's deployment of Divine Eagle 2, another F-35 hunter. This would be a joke if it wasn't so funny -- it sure looks like the future of military aviation is autonomous or pilotless/remotely-controlled craft that can fly in ways and at speeds that human pilots can't deal with. This kind of craft will also out-perform any military jet with a human pilot. Going pilotless is the big advantage for the future. Oh wait, I feel a new program coming on -- let's convert the F-35 to be pilotless. That'll only cost another $Trillion.  "Can you hear it ring / It makes you want to sing / It's such a beautiful thing, ka-ching!"




The American Dream Empire has so many of its golden eggs in the F-35's basket, it can't just say never mind and do something else. Well, the Pentagon considered reversing the whole thing back in 2010 but, after heady analysis (and a few calls from top shareholders of Lockheed Martin), the F-35 program was deemed to be - wait for it - "too big to fail." That one really cracks me up - it can't get funnier. Well, at least, you have to give it to them, they have a cruel sense or irony. Either that or they expect most American Dreamers to have a short attention span.

The Empire is stuck with the super-duper weapon program for decades to come. It was sold as the silver bullet that would take care of security vampires until mid-century. Too bad the Russians and Chinese didn't get that memo. But I guarantee you, they have read the memo from General Richard Barrons. One way or another - by pilots assassinated in their beds, by Ruskie UCAV, or Chinese Divine Eagle - the vulnerabilities of the F-35 Goliath are laid bare. That is, if the manufacturing defects are overcome and any of them ever fly reliably.

It all reminds me of another hilarious episode in Empire egotism. Tell me if you've heard this one before. American Dream Empire goes half way around the globe to give people democracy. This entails 10 years of bombing, getting expensive helicopters shot down, and spraying a cocktail of chemicals to defoliate 5 million acres of forests and destroy 500,000 acres of cropland, among other things.

It was common practice in that "military action" to send very expensive fighter jets from even more expensive aircraft carriers to drop relatively expensive ordinance on the evil-doers. The financial risks of each mission were enormous, given the per capita income of the evil-doer's country. And yet, for the Empire, no financial sacrifice is too great to ensure democracy prevails and the American Dreamers have security. 

Only problem was, like British General Richard Barrons has warned about the F-35 program, over-reliance on a few expensive gadgets is not wise military strategy. Especially when the evil-doers have an effective, low-tech counter-move for your "5th Generation" ego.

After billions of dollars were spent by the Empire to eliminate bridges and roadways in enemy territory, the evil-doers quickly adjusted.






So, if British Generals take time to note that over-reliance on massively-expensive weapon programs does not make good military sense - and the Empire's own military history bears out the wisdom of this, why would our great Empire Thinkers double-down on following the military-industrial complex's quarterly report? Does anyone really believe it's primarily about security? Maybe the security of someone's dividend check.

With that in mind, it's interesting to note that the American Dream Empire claims to have a population of 318 million (yeah, and I have a bridge in Brooklyn...).  Another way of looking at security, if they want to go the economic route, is to admit that a strong economy, an economy and debt/GDP ratio that's the envy of the world is also a Homeland Security program. 

What would happen if the Pentagon gave up one weapon - one plane - and instead, the Empire took the money they were going to spend on that one program - and divided it equally among all the population? Imagine the kind of productive stimulus would that be for business - all business, even small businesses. $4716.98 for everyone - to spend on things that "raises all boats."


$1.5 Trillion sounds like a lot of money. But I guess the Empire is good for it. After all, it's taking in records amount of Federal tax. The cost of the F-35 program is less than half of what was collected in 2015:

Maybe the super-duper weapon system is a bargain - especially when the Empire's Homeland Security has been invoked to redeem it. If you think anything else, go ahead and float your ideas.
You'll just have to wait a while to get heard. 

Maybe even one trillion seconds.
That's 31,688 years. Holy shit, I guess a trillion is a lot.

The really funny thing is - the American Empire Dreamers will take a number
and queue up for that if they're told to do so for their security. 
It doesn't even have to come with fries.