My obituary and eulogy instructions

I wrote a variation of this on Twitter yesterday, but I'd like to be sure that the request is taken seriously and not presumed to be some random notion that wandered into and out of my mind while standing in line at the grocery store .

In the off-chance that I die someday (an unlikely occurrence considering my super powers), I would like my obituary written and my eulogy spoken in the present tense.

Nothing at all in the past tense, please.  Nothing. 

Speak of me as if I were still alive. 

In one final fist shake of defiance at the institution of death, please refer to me as I had cheated death once again, both in word and in print.

Oh, and say some wicked nice things, too.  Make stuff up if you want.