Could I Be a Conservative?
I mean, theoretically, if Conservative weren’t tainted with asshole in much the same way Feminism has been tainted with joyless, anti-sex, anti-man, word policing*… yes.
One of the best articles I’ve read yet about the debacle that is 2016 comes from Vox, wherein a Conservative and Republican turns around and faces what outsiders have long pointed out, and that is that the Conservatives signed up for a marriage with the ugliest parts of our society, and have amplified that ugliness with their rhetoric, and are now shocked to discover that the ugly had no equal measure of loyalty to the Conservative movement. The second they got the opportunity to ditch the ideals in order to jump into bed with a candidate that gives them a straight shot of bigotry, nationalism, fear, and protectionism, no chaser… that’s what the base of the Republican party did. The luminaries, the next generation of presidential hopefuls, by and large said that they’d rather be unprincipled and throw their lot in with a short-fingered vulgarian than be accused of helping a Democrat.
Think about that.
They hate liberals so much that they would rather be aligned with a fraudulent, bigoted narcissist than be seen to give an inch in the direction of those namby-pamby Democrats.
The Conservative values I can get behind include fairness, equality, freedom of speech, self-determination. But I’m more passionate about everyone minding their own damn business and not being an asshole. Who my neighbor loves, sleeps with, or marries has nothing to do with me. It doesn’t change my life, it doesn’t affect my paycheck, it doesn’t alter the quality of my relationship, and is therefore none of my damn business. A predator who is intent on rape doesn’t need permission to lurk in the ladies room. You don’t send your kids to the bathroom alone, and you didn’t send them to the bathroom alone long before we were talking about transgendered rights. Someone grappling with their experience in their body at that level should just be left the hell alone to find some peace, and if peeing next to me in the ladies room furthers that, then come on in. While there may be a woman here or there who is cavalier about abortion, the vast majority of women come to a decision about pregnancy and their bodies through much grief and in incredibly difficult situations. It is no one’s business but their own. Unless you’re watching someone inflict harm on another living thing, mind your own damn business. It isn’t that hard.
If all those Republican blowhards in Congress (the Democrats are blowhards too) really wanted smaller government, they would write better laws. They would write fewer laws. They would let science and reason dictate policy (does pot really need to be a Class A drug?) They would make publicly-funded campaigns a reality. They would quit this nonsense where they spend more time fundraising than they do understanding the issues they are supposed to vote on. Government agencies exist to understand and implement the laws written by Congress. Write better laws, have better government. Simplify the tax code, shrink the IRS. But they don’t actually want the stuff they are squawking about, because if they wanted it, they could have it. Easily. Write some shit that makes sense and quit your bitching.
So yes, you could count me in the number of Americans who would vote for a Conservative if said Conservative wasn’t an asshole bent on panty-legislating, denying climate change, ignoring the historical precedent that brings us regulatory bodies like the EPA or OSHA, and providing unlimited welfare for corporations. If you find one of those, please let me know. I’ve got a place for that Conservative right next to my unicorn.
*Feminism. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Feminism is the belief that men and woman should be treated equally under the law. It is the defense of a woman’s self-determination, even if she self-determines to be a sex worker. Or a home-maker. Or a kick-ass lawyer. Feminism is not an excuse to use the status of historical victim to bully others. It is not the assertion that men and women are exactly and biologically the same, or that biology doesn’t matter to behavior. It is not the belief that sex should be performed in birkenstocks with granola on the bed and then only if the man in question apologizes profusely for his patriarchal genitalia first.
