'The Last First Day'

Summer came to an abrupt end just the other day with the sound of a school bell. Just like that, summer and all its glory faded beneath the feet of students' shiny new shoes, left on a sidewalk leading to a school building, gasping its last breath as it withered away. I would venture to guess that the start of school effects most everybody in one way or another. Parents of youngsters feel the sting of an empty pocketbook as their children trudge off to their first day of class. Grandparents and relatives ooh and aah at all those first day of school pictures. Teachers filled with anticipation make the final touches on their classrooms just minutes before another batch of students appear through their doorway. Me? I struggle with my lack of patience as I recall how I had forgotten how snarled the traffic becomes between here and work on that first day of school. Yes, the first day of school is always one of adjustment for most of us.
This year, the first day of school was different. My daughter appeared from her room at 7:45, stylishly dressed, and gave me a nervous 'first day' smile.
"It looks like you're ready to kick off this school year!" I smiled back at her.
She nodded and gave me a hug...and then she was gone. As I watched her drive away, a lump formed in my throat. Today was her last first day of school. I pondered whether the fact had entered her mind and if it had, did it hit her as hard as it hit me. This first day of her senior year signified the beginning of the end of a grueling twelve year journey. In the grand scheme of life, she was literally just weeks away from completing an era of her young life. Her and perhaps a million more young adults will step out into the real world in nine months and claim it as theirs, eager to begin their adventures.
I remember when I was there, so many years ago. Young and pretty dumb, the prospect of failure never crossed my mind the day I walked out of my high school for the very last time. Invincible and full of hope and dreams, I took life by the horns and hung on for what would prove to be the ride of a lifetime. I never looked back and certainly never wished I could go back to that old red brick school. That era had come to a close. There was nowhere left to go but forward.
But the other day, as the reality of this last first day of school sunk in, I found myself in an unsettled state of mind. I wasn't the least bit concerned about how this might or might not affect the last of my brood. The girl that drove away on that last first day of school has charted her course for the future and the only thing holding her back from that future is the present. But me...the end of an era looms before me as well, and I find myself unsure of what will come next.
Over the course of my parenthood, I've seen four children off on so many first days of school. There are memories that span a lifetime bouncing through my head as I contemplate what is to come when that final bell rings just a few months away. This last bell will really be my last. Those morning commutes to school consisted of moments that created the bond that held me and those children so close. Frustrating shopping adventures in mall after mall fill my memory as I recall nervously forking over money I never really seemed to have. Nights of homework with broken pencil lead and spilled tears. From Little Dribblers basketball games to state high school playoffs, piano recitals to volleyball and prom dresses...memories to cherish. Cub scouts and FFA livestock shows, and giggly little girls cluttering the living room floor for a Saturday night sleepover. Young men knocking on my door and an exchange of a nervous first handshake with the father of the girl they've had their eye on all year. Listening to stories about one teacher or another, late night talks about friends who've gone astray, and late nights pacing the floors, praying my child would walk through that door in one piece...more memories of an era soon gone.
I have friends, acquaintances, and co-workers who have crossed this threshold before me. I cast an eye toward them now and then, searching for a signal of what comes after. Their lives seem to carry on. There seem to be those who actually enjoy being relieved of their responsibilities of parenthood. They fish, buy a camper, travel. They finally are able to dress themselves nicely. Some buy a state of the art television to watch football games on now that there is no loud music to drown out the sound. They paint the trim on the house that has been neglected for years and they plant a garden. And when they venture out to eat occasionally...they don't pick MacDonalds.
As I sit here tonight writing this foolishness, the house is quiet...just me and a dog that really isn't mine. It is the last first football game of the season and my senior is rightfully in the stands cheering for her team. The dog lays at my feet staring at the door, awaiting the girl she loves to return home. Me too, if I were honest. There will come a day when I will truly miss waiting and watching the door.
Please, please do not waste a single moment of this era with your child. Cherish each and every challenge that comes your way as they make their way from point A to point B in their young lives. Let nothing stand in your way of enjoying the journey with your children, not a job, not the lack of money, not another adult that just doesn't understand the importance of your duties as a parent. For, take my word, it is a very short journey from that first first day of school to the very last day. And when that last last day of school comes...my heart will be filled with pride...and my eyes with tears. The most important duty God Himself ever trusts upon us is that of being a parent. Hold those times dear in your heart for there will come a time when those days will be...gone.