IT CAME BACK.

September 4th, 2016

I’m not feeling too well.

Remember how I had food poisoning, last week? I think it’s a bit more complicated than that…

About a month ago I went to Italy. There, I spend a day in Gardaland, and it was so great, but at lunch time I started feeling nauseous and ended up not eating a proper meal till night. When I did eat later in the day, I had really bad cramps on my stomach, but I blamed it all on the super hot weather and the strong sun hitting my head.

A day later, I was at a birthday party, eating normally, until, all of a sudden, the nausea came back. I started to feel really hot, and asked to leave the restaurant for a few minutes, so I could get some fresh air.

Walking helped, I found out that it generally always does, but doesn’t get rid of my stomach problems.

Either way, as I said, I thought it was just because of the heat, to which my body isn’t so used to anymore.

The morning after I talked to my parents about the fact that I’m having troubles, and that maybe it was a fear I have developed overtime, because less than 6 months ago I suddenly threw up at night and since then, I do think about it quite often, and especially when I’m out dining, I might react badly and need some time to calm down, by walking around.

In fact, in the last 5 months, it probably happened about 5 to 10 times that whilst with friends, hanging out after dinner, even if only watching a movie at my house, I had to stand up and move, because the nausea and cramps started to happen, but very mildly.

Then I went to Malaysia and got food poisoning, which I think triggered something much worse. If I could deal with random but brief nausea and stomach pain attacks, by simply walking for a few minutes, now I’m at a point that I can’t focus on what I’m doing during the day, and stress over dinnertime.

I thought that last week it took me longer to heal because the virus I had was strong, but I am realising that the food poisoning was just the beginning to something else.

Two nights ago, the paint got pretty intense, once again. It’s scary because Felix is currently on the other side of the world, and I’m here on my own. Luckily, I have amazing friends that made themselves available to help, and came around a few hours last night to watch a movie with me, but even then, I ended up not eating and having to take medicines because the pain was starting.

To give you a bit more of a back story, last week I booked in with a private doctor to check on me, because I felt like this “illness” was stranger than just a food poisoning. I asked him if it could be the birth control pill I take, because the one I used to take 6 months ago made me feel nauseated at night (after a few hours from taking it) and eventually I threw up. Since then I was given a more gentle pill, but about a moth ago I started to develop nausea and I’m really scared about throwing up again.

He said it was silly of me to think that could be the cause, because if I were to be sick from the pill, it would happened right away. I told him I was fine on the other for the first 6 months of taking it, and only the last 3 made me sick, so I wondered it it’s possible that side effects develop on me after a little while of being on each pill. He looked at me like I was crazy, and said it’s impossible.

That day, he also made me cry, because he crossed out things I believe might be the cause of this illness, and instead he said that I’m too anxious and that’s why I feel sick. He went on recommending anxiety meds and depression pills, and asking Felix how I was doing, anxiety wise. I tried to explain that my anxiety used to be very extreme a few years back, but I think I’m dealing with it more than well lately, and although – sure, the anxiety might be making this situation all worse – I do think there is something more to it. I feel different, the pain is different. I never ever had troubles with meals, or the food I ate (other than dairy products, because of my lactose intolerance).

I have been eating a very healthy diet lately, I have been working out 3 times a week for half a year, I don’t stress over work or study and I don’t smoke or drink coffee. I am happy. So if it really was due to just stress and anxiety, this should have occurred years ago, not now, when I am at my best.

 

Anyway, I left his office feeling awful about myself, because a doctor I requested took about 3 minutes to look at me and judge the situation, without properly listening or running any kind of tests.

For a few days after that I felt bad, but eventually started feeling better and managed to eat properly, as usual. I was totally relaxed, and glad that it was over. But then, as I said, it came back.

So I booked another appointment, with a different doctor, and this time I will insist to get blood tests done and ask if she can look into my problem seriously.

I read online that most doctor, when you have these kind of symptoms, simply brush it off saying it’s anxiety, but trust me – I’m sure there is more.

I was in so much pain again that I’ve decided to quit taking the pill. I couldn’t go on, if there was a chance that it was the cause. It’s been 2 days and no improvements, but I need to give it some time. I’m really hoping that by stopping it, the side effects will go away and everything will go back to normal; but who knows, maybe it is something more serious.

For now I have some medicines that help, in case it gets really bad. I’m just tired of feeling this way, because in the beginning it was a problem that I could deal with, but after the food poisoning event, it’s taking over my days. I can’t seem to focus on studying, I don’t have the energy to be in front of the camera, and other than taking walks out with the pugs or doing small tasks in the house, I can’t seem to get up to much.

To describe a bit the pain: it begins around 6 in the afternoon (although lately, after breakfast and lunch I develop a mild stomachache, while digesting the food) with gas reaching my throat. A lot of it, it keeps coming up. Then the nausea comes, and that’s the scary part to me. Eventually stomach cramps start as well, and my stomach makes a lot of noise. I need to keep going to the toilet. It’s very painful, and I can’t think about food, I can’t look at food. I can’t even watch a movie. I go to bed really early, because my body is shaking, and can’t cope with the situation and just want to sleep.

I’m really trying to be positive, keep working when I feel well, and study a few pages a day (when normally my daily productivity is much higher than that).

I’m truly hoping that:

a) either it was the pill, and now that I’m not taking it anymore, the side effects will fade over time;

b) my doctor appointment will go well, I will get my tests done and they will find what’s wrong and properly treat me.

 

I understand it’s not a terrible illness, but because it’s becoming chronic, it is a problem for me, and I really look forward to get some answers.

My appointment is on Friday, so I will keep you updated, as soon as I have more info to share. For now, if you have suggestions on what this could be (from what I’ve gathered it sounds like IBS, but could be so many other things) and suggestions on what I can eat or do to help my digestive system.

 

Thank you for reading this super long post. I just needed to let you know about my health situation, at the moment.

 

 

Marzia.