Even if this post only affects one person, it will still all be worth it.

I know this is going to sound like another one of those crazy conspiracy theories, but...I need to speak it out loud. I need to voice my concerns. I've put a lot of thought into this, and I feel very strongly that I could be right.
I think Jennifer Garner is paying off People Magazine. 
And also US Weekly. 
To those of you who subscribe and buy those particular magazines...think about it.  She's in those magazines almost every week.  She doesn't do ANYTHING.  She maybe looks good once a year, and yet both mags gush about her every time they post a picture of her. (Running sneakers with jeans and a sweater, Garner? Really? You couldn't pull it together enough to put on cute shoes - or even cute running shoes, if you must - when you just "happened" to take your kids to the park where there just "happened" to be photographers?)
You can't even say that it's a coincidence she's in those magazines all the time because of her husband Ben, because nobody really cares about Ben.  The only other people who are in there as often as her are Katie Holmes and Tori Spelling.
Think about THAT for a minute.
I'm gonna tell everyone, Jennifer. Everyone. They're all gonna know what you've been doing. There is no good reason why you are in my People magazine every week. I'm going to work night and day to bring your dirty little secret to light.  And if all it does is ensure that I never have to see you wear running shoes with jeans ever again, SO BE IT.