Lainey’s List Chapter Forty-One

 

Lainey

The Mustangs keep winning, and the tickets to games keep coming but I ignore them, even the ones to the Super Bowl. In all that time, I received only one text from Nick.

I’m taking care of it.

And I’ve sent one in return.

Congratulations on winning everything!

Maybe I would’ve said more if I hadn’t seen the picture of him plastered all over the internet, half-soaked with booze, with a beautiful girl on his lap. Maybe that could’ve been explained away by an excuse that the photo was taken at just the right time to make it appear the two were close; when in reality, she’d just dropped into his lap. Maybe I shouldn’t have found the second picture, taken hours later, so gut wrenching. Nick and I had made no promises to each other. If anything, I’d held him at arm’s length. So what right did I have to be angry that the same brown-haired girl had taken an intimate photo showing her winking at the camera while a naked Nick slumbered in the background?

None.

I had no rights.

And even if I wanted to exert some kind of claim, my world decided to fall apart at that very moment. A week after the Super Bowl, a week after I cried a bucketful of tears in my pillow, Grandma suffered a serious stroke. And Mom, who rarely had any lucid moments any more, lost it completely.

Caring for both of them, along with Cassidy, leaves me with zero energy. Football, explicit pictures, broken hearts, and awful past-life choices don’t matter at this point; neither does my pride.

When Charlie and Reese arrive after three weeks, I fall into their arms with relief.

“You look terrible,” Charlie says. The concern in her voice makes my eyes sting.

“I feel it,” I admit. She gives me a hug and then is pushed aside by Reese who picks me up and squeezes me so tight that I finally start feeling warm inside.

“What can we do?” Charlie says. We all look around at the mess of toys, clothes, and medical paraphernalia. Dishes—clean ones, thankfully­—are stacked on towels on the kitchen counters. I’ve managed to barely stay ahead with everything—laundry, dishes, groceries, medications—but that means everything else has fallen by the wayside.

Shame at the state of the place heats my cheeks. “Everything?”

Charlie gives me a smile and squeezes my shoulder, as if to say this too shall pass.

“Where’s my princess?” Reese declares, striding through the mess to pick up Cassidy who is busy coloring at the coffee table. The television is playing low in the background. I’ve had to rely on it more these days to keep Cassidy occupied while I’m helping Mom and Grandma.

“Here, I am,” she squeals and lifts her face for a kiss.

Reese swings her into his arms. “I’m taking you to the park,” he announces. “What should we bring?”

“Mr. Bubbles wants to go.” Cassidy holds up a pink unicorn.

“Mr. Bubbles shall go on all the rides,” Reese agrees. On his way to the door, he pauses to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll stop by and pick up groceries on the way home. Anything in particular?”

“Milk?” I really have no idea.

“Milk it is. Text me if you need anything more,” he says and with a wave, the two of them are gone.

“Kitchen or living room?” Charlie asks when the door closes.

“Kitchen.”

“I know you’re embarrassed but you shouldn’t be. You’re doing the work of about five people, and everything here is clean. Cassidy is fed and happy. So what if it’s cluttered?” Charlie says as she starts stacking the dishes away.

I tackle the pots and pans. “The mess is depressing, and I can’t seem to get a handle on things. If I take the time to pick up everything, I miss out on reading with Cassidy. If I skip reading with Cassidy, there are still adult diapers to be changed, medications to be given, bodies to move. Mom and Nana can’t lie in one position too long or they’ll get bed sores which means a hospital visit.”

“What else can Reese and I do while we’re here?”

Tell me what’s going on with Nick! The single bright thing about being busy is not having the energy to even think about Nick’s pictures and his post-Super Bowl party activities, but now that Charlie is here, I’m dying to ask. Ruthlessly, I shove thoughts of him aside.

“Actually, just having the company is nice,” I admit. It’s been lonely for me since I moved back home. I hadn’t had close friends in high school since I was too busy partying with Chip’s older crowd.  “I know I can’t keep taking care of my mom and grandma by myself. Social services suggested I send Nana to a nursing home.”

“Have you decided which one?” She asks, putting the last of the dishes away.

“I haven’t had time to look at anything yet.” I grab a sponge and start scrubbing down all the cleared surfaces while Charlie dries her hands off with a towel.

“Let me help.” She puts down the towel and comes over to me. “I know you hate this but listen to me. I have a trust fund, and it’s very large. My parents have been very fortunate in their lives, and they’ve given me a lot of money. It’s more than I’d be able to spend in a lifetime. I’ve never told anyone how much because I don’t like for people to know. They treat you differently; but Lainey, I know that it doesn’t matter to you.”

“Of course it doesn’t.” My heart pounds, full of dread at what she’s going to offer and what I know I’ll have to accept.

“It doesn’t make you a bad person to accept my help. It doesn’t make you a worthless person.”

I close my eyes. “It makes me feel low.”

“If I was your wife, you’d let me help, right?”

That wrenches a laugh out of me. “You proposing, Charlie?”

“If it would get you to take my money, yes.”

I bury my face in my hands. I’d known this was coming from the moment I told her she could come and visit. Once she saw the state of my life, she wouldn’t be able to leave without making sure I was on my feet again. The wretched thing is that I need her help. Since I was seventeen, kicked out of this very house, I’d made a life for Cassidy and me without asking for anything from anyone.

Charlie rubs my back. “It’s not a bad thing, you asking for help.”

“Maybe not, but it feels terrible.”

“Do you want me to find a place?”

“No, I will. How long can you stay?”

“As long as you need.”

I lean against her slight frame that has a surprising amount of strength. There may be no Nick in my future, but I have Charlotte as a friend, Cassidy as my bright light, and Reese as my ray of sunshine. I’ll be okay.

I have to be.

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