Cross Words From a Crossword
I do a crossword puzzle every day. It’s something I’ve always enjoyed (a pastime I inherited from my Mother). Beyond the pleasure of conquering the beast, I also think it helps me increase my vocabulary as well as fill in some peripheral knowledge on the blank pages of my mind.
This morning’s puzzle contained the following quip by historian Oswald Spengler: “The stupidity of a theory has never impeded its influence.” In the words of a lesser-known historian, “Truer words were never spoke…” (I’m not sure, but that may have been Li’l Abner.)
It always amazes me how quickly people jump on the bandwagon of anything that sounds remotely clever. If someone comes up with a slick theory, postulation, or saying, it’s as good as gold to many people.
Bumper stickers are a great example of this. There’s bumper sticker wisdom, bumper sticker politics, and bumper sticker theology (just to name a few). For many people, if you can’t fit it onto a bumper sticker, it isn’t worth pursuing.
My favorite one to hate is the “COEXIST” sticker where each letter is the symbol of a world religion or philosophy. The obvious message is that we should all get along (Rodney King would be proud). It has sparked responses that are numerous and equally as clever. I saw one the other day that said, “You Can’t COEXIST With People Who Want to Kill You.” Good point…
It hasn’t stopped there, however. There seems to be a bumper sticker conversation going on with this one. There’s now a sticker with COEXIST spelled out in weaponry. Another uses religious symbols to spell out IDIOTS. Another uses them to spell out FICTION.
There are plenty more, but I’m sure you get the idea. Some of them are not particularly couth, but they’re on bumpers nonetheless. If you get a chance and have a few minutes to kill, look them up on one of the Internet search engines. It will be amusing if nothing else.
More recently, bumper stickers have been used to attack Christian beliefs. Here’s one you can’t read unless the car is motionless and you’re standing right behind it.
“CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your Master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense.”
The fact that the author of this sarcasm is wrong on virtually every point doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it’s cleverly worded. Even I (a Bible-thumping Christian) think it’s clever—totally messed up, but clever.
All this leads me to the pièce de résistance (pardon my French) which is, “Bumper Stickers Will Save the World!” My favorite, however, is a bumper sticker that simply says, “Bumper Sticker.” As they say, “Less is more.”
[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]
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