In Questionable Taste

People ask if gardening is hard

but that’s not the problem

the problem is it’s easy

and it really ought to be impossible.

What is this

putting stuff in dirt and expecting to get food back

what are you, a communist?

You bought a bag of cowpeas

not even a proper seed packet with a glossy picture on it

and shoved a couple in the ground.

You know it can’t work.

Even fairy tales know better

everybody laughs when Jack trades a cow for beans

a cow is worth something, after all.

The whips that twined up into the hydrangeas have three green leaves

so they must be poison ivy

that’s probably it

the things that look like bean pods are a coincidence

it’s a new kind of poison ivy

you’ll probably be even more allergic to this one.

And the funny thing is that I know this

when they come for me and say “You have to stop now–

you know people aren’t allowed to do this sort of thing,”

I’ll bow my head and say “I know.”

It was much too easy

it had to be illegal

or at least in very questionable taste,

thinking you could put almost nothing into dirt

and get everything back

almost for free.