It’s The Way I Tell ‘Em (27)

The best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe 2016 for your delectation.

My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He is a man after my own heart – Masai Graham
Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home” but when you put them in one…- Stuart Mitchell
I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10 – Mark Watson
Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because they are really well lit – Mark Smith
I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote the Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer…came second – Will Duggan
Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you’re constipated – Tiff Stevenson
I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words – Gary Delaney
Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor – Adele Cliff
Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money? – Annie McGrath
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask – Jordan Brookes
Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband has done it first – Michelle Wolf
I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound – Roger Swift
Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer – Arthur Smith
I’ll tell you what is unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses – Zoe Lyons
Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word – Phil Nicol

My personal favourite, though, was Masai Graham’s I got ripped off in Ireland recently. I bought some cocaine from Limerick but the third and fourth lines were a lot shorter”.

Filed under: Humour Tagged: best jokes from Edinburgh Fringe 2016, best one-liners