It’s Brittany. Bitch.
(The Mockingjay entry is coming but it requires so much THOUGHT, people. So much thought. So much thought that I don’t know if I have the time to give at this moment. So it will remain a placeholder for now. Very short review: brilliant book, hilarious to watch the fans having the “Harry-Potter-this-book-didn’t-end-the-way-I-wanted-to-so-it-wasn’t-good” response, not a fun book. And also the horrors Harry goes through mean absolutely NOTHING next to the horrors Peeta and Gale and Katniss go through. There’s a reason they are as disturbed as they are. Oh, god, I have to stop now or this will all be about that book.)
Thoughts on Glee 2×02: “Britney/Brittany”.
One of my favorite things to do the day after watching an episode of a television series I really enjoy is to hit my favorite blogs and read what other people had to say about it. I’m going to start doing that here and there with this blog. I think GLEE is ripe for the opinionating. I love the show, but admit that it is sometimes written so poorly it makes me cringe. The characters are so out of control inconsistent it doesn’t sustain much actual interest in their welfare. They do things that are so wrong, in the interest of setting up a good musical number, that it at times feels flat-out lazy. I am mostly able to forgive this on GLEE, because the plot isn’t the only reason I watch it. I’ll forgive a contrived “theme” episode here and there in service of an exhilarating and pretty episode – witness the “Madonna” episode, which barely advanced any sort of plot but made just enough sense to justify the musical numbers and also featured cheerleaders on stilts. I mean – cheerleaders on stilts.
The cheerleaders on stilts in this episode were replaced by Brittany S. Pierce, a.k.a. Heather Morris, whose spacy, hazy characterization brings her character’s ditziness to new, hilarious levels each week (helped along by amazing zingers – “Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?” – “People thought I went away but really I spent the summer lost in the sewers” – etc.). First of all, she was a dead ringer for Britney Spears in those getups. Second, you know you’re toned when a red leather jump suit is LOOSE on you. Third, abs. WTF were those ABS. Fourth – best dancer I’ve seen on television in a long time (that wasn’t also on that show where they can really dance). Fifth – we needed a fantasy scene to break Brittany out of the plastic-doll consciousness in which she usually exists and realize her full performing power.
But outside of Brittany’s featured scenes in this episode, it was remarkably bad. Contrived to levels that I didn’t even think were possible for Glee. Let’s list a few:
Rachel trying to make Finn choose football over her? Yeah right – your’e going to honestly tell me our little attention whore wouldn’t for a MOMENT want her boyfriend back as an all-star football player?
Why has Kurt been such a bitchfest this season so far? He is the least likable person on the show right now. He’s walking a hard line, being out and proud, flamboyant – that’s hard to sell on a major television network, why does he also have to be an ass right now? Don’t screw this up, guys! He was much more likable last season. It does look, however, like we’ll be a bit more sympathetic to Kurt next week. I sure hope his dad’s not really dead.
Brittany’s teeth being the worst ever would have been slightly more believable if she wasn’t spending her 24th episode flashing perfect-looking pearly-whites. Do they think we’re blind, or that anyone with such awful teeth – and surely awful breath – would have that aspect of their hygiene so long unnoticed by a cheerleading coach as likely to point out personal flaws as is Sue Sylvester?
“We kind of grew up with her” – what? These kids are 16, supposedly. They were 10 in 2004. They started dancing to her well after “Hit Me Baby, One More Time,” was well off the charts and no longer emblematic of a sexually frustrated emo-ridden youth. Am I wrong? Anyone about 16 years old now feel like they grew up with Britney?
“Get up in my grill. Brits and I wants to get our anaethesia on” – what the hell kind of stupid ghetto-talk is that? Come on, Santana. You’re smarter about your bitchiness than that. (And when I say “Santana” I mean, “Come on, writers. What the hell.”)
Everything Finn and Rachel sans the way they looked at each other during the final montage. Their drama was so ridiculous in this ep I was totally turned off by it, and them. But the walk-across-the-school-hallway-and-take-her-hand thing at the end was suitably sweet and redeeming and perfect for a teen girl fantasy.
The homophobia from those two goofy football players is as subtle as a sledgehammer and I’m tired of it. I hope Chord turns out to be Kurt’s BF because I can see him having some actual believable conflict over it, not this roided-up hallway firework display.
Overall, a theme show that has to strain the bonds a bit to make the numbers fit, once in awhile, is fine. What’s NOT fine is ripping apart every characterization on an episode basis. These numbers are powerful and important when we care about the people we’re watching, and I stop doing that when I don’t know who the hell I’m watching each week.
Things I liked:
Carl is a nice guy. He could have totally been an ass. I can’t wait for him to sing and dance. He’s also SLIGHTLY creepy – what was it with that roofies reference? Why does he have any idea? Hmm.
Coach Beiste in general continues to impress. Although, I will say, there’s something weird and possibly insulting and cruel about having a kid in a wheelchair on the football team (it is a very dangerous place for him, if he falls out of his chair in the presence of what, 80 stampeding boulder-like teens, and can’t move out of the way… this is a bad plan) – so I hope they address this in a later episode. Also what happened to Kurt? Did he give it up?
Everything about Brittany in this episode, even apart from the already mentioned dancing. Her increased ego as the episode went on was just delicious.
That Becky is consistently Sue’s little sidekick. One of the things the show does well (most of the time… again, with the inconsistency) is treat people with disabilities, minorities, those usually prejudiced against, with compassion. Again…most of the time.
“Toxic” slowed down and done a la Fosse. Most things done a la Fosse are a bit better, classier and sexier than they were before.
That the show recognized some of the downsides of Britney Spears – not being a good role model, having to rein in her talent and not explode like a crazy sex grenade – nice to have a little honesty when she’s lending her imprimatur to the show.
Lastly, GLEE is nothing without its awesome one-liners, so, here are my fav quotes:
“He discovered America.”
“Close.” – Brittany on Christopher Cross, and Will’s bizarre response
“I have a bad feeling about this lesson.” – Kurt
“How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They’re like 100 miles apart.” – Finn
“Thank you for understanding. It’s been a hard road.” – Brittany
“Yes. Let’s talk about Michael Bolton.” – LOL! Why would anyone ever willingly do that?
“This room looks like the one on that spaceship where I got probed.” – Brittany
“Please don’t pull all my teeth. When I smile I’ll look like an adult baby but with boobs.” – Brittany
“Oh-no-not-Britney” – guess who
“Hey dwarf, anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on ‘To Catch a Predator’? / “Also, I’m more talented than you.” Santana and Brittany
“I would just like to say that from now on I demand every solo in Glee Club” – Brittany, followed by the hilarious shot of Rachel.
“I’m more talented than all of you, I see that clearly now. It’s Brittany. Bitch.” – Brittany.
“I look forward to the day the paparazzi provoke me, and I attack them.” – Rachel
“You see what I’m talking about? They’re personifying you!” / “Objectifying.” – Rachel and Finn
“Becky, you’re on red-alert. If you see any awkward teenage furtage, you perform that citizen’s arrest we practiced.” – Sue Sylvester
“OK, I’m pretty sure none of that happened.” – Will’s response to Sue Sylvester’s hilariously fictional account of the Lady Bird Johnson “tramp stamp” incident
“I mean seriously. You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.” – Sue in fine form
“Finn can fly?” / “Really?” – Brittany, and Kurt’s hilarious response
“Wait, I thought I was the only one getting the solos from now one Next week, I’m going to be performing a musical number by Ke$ha.” – Brittany, who totally owned this entire episode, obviously.
