I wish I had somewhere I could wear an ascot to.

Like a real fucking ascot, under the collar, the works. I understand it's formal day attire. One wouldn't wear a real ascot at night.

It doesn't matter, though, because I have nowhere to go. The library? I go to the library most days. I go to Staple and Spice for my staples and spices. I go to the regular grocery store. I'm going to see the last Harry Potter movie, but rarely go to movies. I pop into bookstores often. About once a month I make it out to a bar, but it's always a working class bar full of men covered in flannel and oil or smelling like pine wood (we have a vibrant logging industry around here).

Where the fuck would I wear an ascot? Should I just wear one?

I like when I see women dressed up doing nothing, wearing a pretty dress in Target while they're buying dishwashing soap or something. I like that. "Fuck it," she says. "I'm gonna look nice."

I don't think the same way about men. Whenever I see a dude in a suit I'm like "What, does he work for the government?"

I would totally rock an ascot, though. I got a feeling.