the pretentious bullshit collection (selections)

I’ve been doing this stupid and amusing thing on my Instagram for a few months, called The Pretentious Bullshit Collection.

For example:

Pencil, with paperclips. From the Pretentious Bullshit collection.

And:

Distant tiles, close tiles, bathroom tiles. From the Pretentious Bullshit collection.

Or:

Tiempo por El Catrin. From the Pretentious Bullshit collection.

So you get the idea, right? Super pretentious, overwrought bullshit pictures of nothing, puffed up with wordy captions and declared to be art, but you probably don’t get it because it’s not for you. I guess it’s part serious art and part parody? It’s mostly parody.

I’ve been having so much fun with it, and so many people have enjoyed the sheer lunacy of the whole thing, I went ahead and made a very small, massively overpriced, hardback collection using some of my pictures. Go beyond the magical thing here to learn more about it:

Say hello to The Pretentious Bullshit Collection (selections), which will be available for a very short time, in what I imagine are very limited quantities because it’s insanely overpriced.

I am full colour, trapped in a black and white world that does not understand me.

It’s 21 pages, introduced in the most pretentious way I could muster:

You have been granted an unprecedented view into the themes and leitmotif that weave to form the zeitgeist. It reveals itself only to the worthy.

Selections from this exquisite collection, presented here, challenge you to uncover the pulchritude, mystery, and meaning, within and without, from the deceptively mundane to the secretly transcendent.

Choose to see and your eyes will be opened.

I had a heck of a time finding the right voice, and committing to the bit, but I had fun, and now it’s done. If you have a stupid amount of money to throw at a stupid art project that you’re going to regret, it’s — wait. Let me try that again, in my pretentious voice:

This is a truly exceptional collection of images that you will likely not understand, but you are welcome to try. This will disappoint, confound, and challenge you. It is inscrutable, beyond your reach, and is probably not for you. But if you are willing to open your eyes, perhaps you will see.

People really talk like that, you know. I think it probably sounds good when it’s clacking out of a mechanical typewriter.

So now that this particular creative itch has been scratched, I’m going to go back to work on the real stuff.