in which i convince myself to focus and not wimp out

I've been working on this book every day. During my commute, during lunch break, even for an hour (or a few) at home. I got through the muddle middle and now I'm facing the ugh ending. It all feels so tenuous and under-developed (it is a first draft, but that doesn't get my inner critic to shut up). So doubt rolls up in his shiny car, smoking a fat cigar. The characters from my abandoned works-in-progress are sitting in the backseat, looking rough and worn and terribly intriguing.

I started writing this book as a bit of summer fun. At the same time, I was taught a lesson: I'm not getting anywhere, jumping from project to project. I'm letting fear rule me and my writing. I need to focus on ONE THING and get really deep into the book and get it done, without allowing myself to shrink from the challenges that this (or any) book will present.

So I thought, okay, I need to focus on something. I suppose I'll focus on this brand new thing that I just started writing, because it's fun and has potential, and that's where my brain is right now. It seemed like an okay idea and I didn't want to put it aside. But now that other idea is looking so so pretty. And I just want to fling myself into it. I want to let myself off the hook.

But I CAN'T. I can't let myself do it. It's not just that the book I'm working on (mess that it is at the moment) has potential. It's that if I jump ship now, I'll be continuing my bad habits. As much as that other book looks great (it has a soundtrack too, which is very appealing) a part of my mind will still be generating ideas for this one. It's like working on a book set in outer space while your thoughts are chattering about medieval Ireland. It just doesn't work. Besides, if I jump to the other book – any other book – and find a plot hole filled with quicksand, what will I do? Jump back to the book I'm working on now? Maybe she won't want me anymore. Maybe she'll give me the finger and tell me to eff off.

Sigh. I just need to focus – I need to dig deep and find my inner Hermione Granger – and see it through. I need some soothing. Here is a song to sing to a kitten, Pangurban.