Made for another world, but not like Lewis intended

I took the liberty of removing myself from a Christian blog group today, because I don’t have an “off” button when responding to theological viewpoints I find triggering; particularly the “God saved me from” rhetoric. I figured it was only a matter of time before the moderators removed me anyway.

Maybe it’s impossible to critique a religious viewpoint without sounding as if you are critiquing the person holding it, because faith is integral to a Christian’s identity. I get that. And the internet isn’t always the best venue for these discussions, when tone and inflection are lost behind a screen. I never know if the fault is the group itself, for being unable to handle dissension and disagreement no matter how politely stated, or if it’s just me, and not coming across as polite as I intend to be.

But even if the issue is me, homogeneity saturates Church culture, particularly evangelical church culture. Introduce yourself at a young adult bible study, and it will, in many cases, be assumed that you hold the same beliefs, attitudes, and convictions as everyone else. This has never been the case in Judaism (the kind I grew up in, anyway). In many, many Christian communities, disagreement can feel like a betrayal: What do you mean it was doctors, not God, who healed my cancer? How dare you.

This is why I read more skeptic blogs than Christian ones these days. They don’t share my faith anymore, but they get where I’m coming from and why I feel the way that I do about certain things. They don’t try to “fix” me with more bible verses and personal testimonies of what God has done for them.

Maybe the problem is that I’m too harsh and insensitive to others’ feelings, too judgmental because I’ve experienced certain things they haven’t, or too self-righteous because I spent ONE WHOLE YEAR at seminary and now I know everything. Whatever it is, one fact remains: because I grew up Jewish, I am automatically at a disadvantage for viewing things the same way that other (most?) Christians do. Old habits are tough to break, but old worldviews installed in childhood are even harder.


 



It’s not impossible to find community with people who have profoundly different life experiences and viewpoints than I do, but it is difficult. For all the reminders from well-meaning friends that I “just haven’t found my people yet,” it’s sure easy to get burned out trying.


 



Do I accept that I’ll never completely fit in, and keep my mouth shut? Do I continue being honest about my disagreements at the risk of hurting feelings and being dismissed? Such hard questions. Such desperately needed wisdom.

 


You know, I originally tattooed the words “Made for another world,” paraphrasing C.S. Lewis, as a way to remind myself that the hardships I face in this world can’t compare to the glory that awaits on the other side. But true to pattern, apparently, I don’t read those words the same way anymore, and that ink is only three years new. But by being born to Jewish parents, I literally was “Made for another world.”


The years I spent struggling to embrace that fact aren’t over, and the self-made, tongue-in-cheek identifier “ Jew-ish Skeptic ” feels more accurate with every passing day.



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