The Legend of Valtera: Chapter 10
Prea sat up, her back rigid, in the middle of the woods. The first streaks of light crossed the sky as dawn approached. Kael was still sleeping a few feet away, so clearly she hadn’t screamed out loud. No, she thought, that was only in her dream.
Prea had dreamed of Leal in the time since the accident, but none had been so real. She didn’t want to imagine the man she loved being scared, cold and alone as the sea took him, as he fought for his life, his struggle for air. Imagining his pain, how his lungs filled with water, was unbearable. But now she had a remarkably vivid picture of exactly what that looked like and it would not leave her mind.
Prea leapt to her feet and ran. She made sure to stay close to the camp, but as soon as she was out of earshot she broke. She fell against a tree, clutching it as if her life depended on it and she sobbed. Prea had been so busy with Alvie and Carr, with the legend and her mission, that she had been able to function normally. But now she was alone; sure, there was Kael, but really she was alone. And if she kept having these dreams…she didn’t know if she could survive. Kael would notice soon and she still didn’t know what she should do, what would she say?
Prea’s breathing was fast, her tears making little rivers down her cheeks. She needed to get ahold of herself, she couldn’t keep losing it; Carr needed her. She wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if anything else happened to her little brother. Something clicked and her brain started working again. Back in the recesses of her memory, her mother was saying, Focus your whole mind, body and soul on your senses and everything will get better.
She closed her tired eyes and let herself feel.
Prea was leaning against a tree, her shoulder pressed hard into the trunk. Her left arm was wrapped around it, her fingers rubbing the scratchy, uneven surface of the bark. She could smell the fresh dew on the morning air; the musty scent of leaves and pine. Her hair was rustling in the wind, brushing back and forth against her back, tickling her cheeks and nose. Her sobbing eased up, her breathing steadied.
She rested her head on the tree, cocking it to the side. Prea could hear the sweet sound of the birds chirping good morning. The breeze whispered to her of calm and tranquility, the sounds of little animals scurrying could be heard off in the distance, and the crackling of the fire back at camp echoed to her ears through the forest. Her pounding heart slowed back down to normal. It was time. She pushed off of the tree and stepped away, her eyes still closed. One deep breath, two deep breaths, three. She opened her eyes.
* * *
The warmth was fading, but the light was growing brighter. Kael rested his hand on the familiar earth beneath him, grabbed at the leaves, needles and dirt and let them fall through his fingers. He moved his head to the right, opened his eyes and felt his stomach drop, which he didn’t think was possible in his current position. He jumped up. Prea wasn’t there, lying on the other side of the fire. Kael quickly glanced around. Her pack was still here, but there was no sign of her. He stood still and listened; nothing. Sure, he heard sounds, but none were Prea. He was about to go looking for her when he caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye, walking back toward the camp.
“Where were you?” Kael demanded when Prea returned to the camp. She stopped abruptly, taken aback by his demanding tone.
“I…I needed some space so I took a walk. I’m sorry,” Prea said, not sure why she was apologizing. She walked over to her pack and retrieved some food for breakfast, then thought better of it. The dream had upset her stomach. She glanced over at Kael who appeared to be confused, or maybe it was conflicted.
After a few moments he looked more resolved, jaw set as he spoke, “Well, we should eat and then try to get going. If we make good time, we will be able to get to Colter in less than a fortnight. If need be, we can stop in Flint on the way.”
It all sounded good to Prea, though she barely registered anything going on in the world around her. “That sounds fine,” she replied automatically and gathered her things.
It didn’t take long before they were packed up, the fire put out and the two stood, eyeing each other for one final moment. Kael looked like he wanted to say something, thought better of it and instead said, “All right then.” He turned and headed off.
Prea followed, studying her companion from behind. She didn’t know what to make of this man. He had come into her life out of nowhere. Literally. She had accepted that she was on this journey alone, but she couldn’t help but be grateful for his assistance and his company; there was something to be said of companionship, of no longer being alone.
But he was an odd man. His reaction to her return to camp was unexpected, to say the least, and Prea didn’t want to have to explain herself or re-live her pain. The story was so long, complicated and emotional and he was a stranger; he didn’t deserve the knowledge of her pain.
* * *
The two walked on a soft carpet of mud and leaves, needles and moss; an endless sea of greens and browns spread in front of them in every direction. The life of the forest, the energy and sounds, were almost too loud for Prea the first few days; the noises echoing as if she were in an amphitheater. They were far from alone, yet a sound maker was rarely seen. For the most part, though, they were left alone to trek wherever they pleased.
A week passed and the days looked much the same: walking, a little talking, occasionally resting or eating. Prea couldn’t be sure, but Kael appeared more agitated than usual; his feet stomped on the ground, his gait quick and abrupt. She could even see the outline of his muscles strung tight down his arms, his hands clenched in tight fists.
And she had a tickling feeling that she was the reason for his irritation.
The distance they covered in a day was getting shorter. Perhaps it was her lack of physical prowess, or maybe it was the discrepancy in the lengths of their legs. Or perhaps, perhaps, it was the utter scarcity of meaningful sleep in the past few days.
Sleep was an elusive bird, a ghost on the wind. It had been ever since the night she had dreamed of Leal. The clamor of life and her new companion were enough to occupy Prea’s thoughts for the first few days. After some time though, the clamor dulled to a light buzz and faded into the background of her mind. Just as she eased into her silent relationship with Kael, her comfort level rose and her mind steadily relaxed.
Perhaps others may see this as a relief, but Prea could no longer avoid the dream and the emotions it triggered. Every night as she closed her eyes, the image of her love being ripped away from her into the depths of the ocean was stitched in vivid detail across the inside of her eyelids. She couldn’t banish it and it took all she had not to drown in her grief.
“Come on, keep up,” Kael chided. He was used to traveling alone and his irritation with having to wait for a companion was growing by the minute. “We’re not making good time. You have to keep up if you want to make it to Colter on schedule.”
“Sorry. Sorry, I’ll try harder to keep up.”
Prea powered through as best she could, brushing her hand along the trees as she passed. As always there was energy in the touch, but now it was different. It was as if she was connecting with the life inside the tree and, because of this bond, the trees were offering up some of their energy for her. Gratefully she accepted the small bit of help, even if it was potentially imagined.
Time ceased to mean anything to her; the light changed around her, the sun gliding through his daily pilgrimage across the sky. But time seemed too complex for Prea’s tired mind. The only thought she could summon and focus on was putting one foot in front of the other. Now and then, she was certain the invisible hand of the wind was at her back, gently propelling her forward.
A strong hand with a tight grip on her upper arm halted her progress.
“Prea! Prea!” Kael’s irked voice sliced through the fog in her mind. Her eyes lifted to meet his before drifting down to his hand wrapped tight around her arm. He released her. “We’re done for the day. Maybe after a good night’s sleep we’ll be able to compensate tomorrow for the distance we lost today,” he said, resting his pack on the wooded floor. “Come on, let’s gather some wood for the fire.”
Prea nodded mutely and dropped her pack. She wandered around aimlessly, stumbling as she collected kindling for the fire. After bringing back what she could, she wilted to the ground. Her exhaustion bore down on her, as if she were being buried alive. But the grief was crushing her spirit.
She feared her mind; its memory, its imagination, the pictures it could call up on a whim. Prea scooted closer to a tree until her back melted into the trunk and she drew her pack alongside her. Legs splayed out in front of her, trousers catching on twigs and leaves, Prea gazed into the flourishing fire. The fluidity of the flames sucked her in, mesmerizing her.
A falling log, the shifting of the fire, jolted a confused Prea out of a long awaited sleeping spell. Night had arrived, and looking across the fire, she saw Kael slumped against his own tree. The flames had dulled, the blackened kindling dispersing. She shifted and rose clumsily in her sleepy state, brushing dirt and earth from her backside.
It was chilly, she thought, they needed more wood for the fire. Prea quietly tiptoed around their campsite, gathering branches in the dark. It took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the blackness and, as she rounded a tree, she saw him.
He was standing twenty feet away and yet she could see him absolutely clearly, as if he was standing directly in front of her in bright light. She must be dreaming, Prea thought, this couldn’t be happening; it was impossible. He turned the corner around a tree and her feet moved without her permission, following him. Her feet sped as she searched through the trees, but he was gone. It must have been a trick of the light, or her mind playing games. Dejected, she went back to the task at hand, leaning over to collect more wood but, as she rose, she spotted him again, this time closer. Dropping what she had gathered, Prea ran after him.
“Leal!” He disappeared again, reappearing someplace else. She followed, shouting his name into the darkness.
But when she rounded the next tree, she ran straight into Kael. He grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her. She was frenzied.
“Did you see him? Where did he go?” She looked around frantically, trying to break free of Kael’s firm grasp.
“What are you talking about?” he demanded. “There’s nobody here except us, Prea.”
She shook her head. “No, no that’s not true. He was here. I saw him. I saw him.” Kael worked hard to keep hold of her. “Let me go, Kael. Let me go!” she screamed. “I need to find him.”
“Prea, there is nobody out here. We’re the only two for miles. You have to calm down, Prea. Now.” He tried shaking her again, tried to reason with her. Prea looked at him desperately, but she only saw pity in his deep blue eyes. She choked back a sob. Her legs gave out, but luckily Kael was there to catch her and he gently steered her back to their camp. She reluctantly accepted the painstaking truth.
Leal wasn’t here and she would never see him again.
He lowered her to the ground and took a minute to bring the fire back to life before he sat down beside her. “Prea, what is going on?” Kael asked. “What were you doing wandering around the woods? Who were you talking about?”
The tears came again and she looked away from Kael. “I…I thought I saw someone. Someone I used to know.”
Kael waited intently for more information. When he didn’t get any, he became impatient. “Out here? You thought you saw someone out here in the middle of nowhere?” Nothing. No response. “Prea, who did you see?” he demanded.
She was tired of keeping all of this to herself, tired of always being the one responsible for everything. She took a deep breath. “His name was Leal. He was a sailor and my father’s second in command. I loved him. We were going to be married and now he’s gone.” Prea looked Kael directly in the eyes. “He died at sea a few weeks ago.”
* * *
For Kael, the past week had been a conflict of emotions. On the one hand, he felt a connection to Prea and wanted to protect her, but, on the other hand, he longed for his independence. His internal war had turned to outward irritation as their progress slowed and Prea had trouble keeping up. But he couldn’t leave her alone, couldn’t turn his back on her. He was a man of his word and he would get her to Colter. So they rested before his irritation boiled over.
Guilt now festered in place of his irritation, and this connection to Prea pulled at the edges of his heart. This explains a lot, Kael thought to himself. She was running away from her grief, away from the life she could no longer have. He didn’t know what to think anymore; he hadn’t known what a young woman was doing traveling alone, but he never expected this. She was hurting, clearly, but he didn’t have any experience with grief or losing someone he loved. He didn’t know how to help her.
“Why did you think you saw him out here?” He was curious.
Prea sighed. “That first morning when I was gone from camp when you woke I had had a dream. It was actually more of a nightmare. Up until that point, I had done all I could not to feel anything; not the pain, the loss or the grief of his death. The dream was…vivid and so real. It brought all of those feelings crashing down over me, drowning me,” she explained quietly. “I ran. I didn’t want to wake you, but I couldn’t breathe. My despair was consuming me and I needed an escape.”
Prea looked into the dancing flames as she played with the twigs beside her. She absorbed the warmth of the fire and vigilantly tried to keep the image of Leal drowning out of her mind. It didn’t work and tears fell from her face, splashing onto the ashes of the kindling.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kael wondered quietly beside her.
Prea’s head jerked up in surprise. “We had just met; I wasn’t going to spill my heart out to someone I didn’t know. And I didn’t want to deal with it or talk about it or anything. I just wanted it to go away,” she confessed.
Kael watched her closely, truly seeing her for the first time since they’d met. He studied her as she gazed into the fire; she looked exhausted, like she might drop at any minute. Good heavens, when was the last time she actually slept, Kael asked himself. He racked his brain trying to remember any other clues that he had missed. Then he remembered that he had only seen her eat a few bites of food in the past week. He gasped.
“Prea, when was the last time you slept? Or ate?” he asked.
“What?” She looked up at him blankly. The flames always lulled her into a trance, making her forget everything going on in and around her. “Did you say something?”
“When was the last time you slept or ate anything?” Kael reiterated, his voice sharpening in concern.
“I don’t know about eating, but I haven’t been able to sleep since that…since I had that nightmare.” The night wind cut through their camp, leaving Prea shivering in its wake. She held her hands up to the fire, absorbing its heat. “I’m scared, Kael,” she whispered. “Every time I close my eyes I see his face. It was so real; I could feel his pain, see the fear in his eyes.”
Another breeze whipped along her front, blowing ashes and sparks into the air around her. “I never let myself think about his last moments. This dream brought it to the front of my mind and I can’t get rid of it.” She turned to Kael beside her, shaking her head back and forth. “I can’t get it out of my head, Kael. I can’t get it out.”
He watched and listened patiently. She looked at him with fear in her eyes and appeared younger, desperate as she silently pleaded for his help. He couldn’t stay quiet any longer.
“Prea, you can’t keep doing this,” Kael said softly. “You’ve been hallucinating. You need to eat, but, more importantly, you need to sleep.”
She dropped her head into her hands. “I don’t think I can.”
He barely heard her, she spoke so quietly. Kael stoked the fire a bit to keep it going before he sat back against a tree. He leaned forward and grabbed Prea’s arm, tugging her slightly.
“Come on,” he suggested, as she looked back at him over her shoulder. “Come on.”
Kael didn’t know if she made a conscious decision or if her exhaustion was just too extreme, but Prea slowly shifted back until she was curled up against him. His arm tightened around her and her head fell to his shoulder.
“Sleep,” he whispered against her hair.
In the arms of a man she did not know, Prea finally closed her eyes after days and days spent awake. Her will was weak, almost nonexistent, as she finally succumbed to the thing she feared the most.
