How Can I Learn to Receive—and Give—Criticism in Light of the Cross?

Years ago Alfred Poirier wrote a piece on “The Cross and Criticism“—first published in The Journal of Biblical Counseling (Spring 1999): 16-20—that I think is worth revisiting.

Poirier defines criticism broadly, referring to

any judgment made about you by another, which declares that you fall short of a particular standard.

He writes:

The standard may be God’s or man’s.

The judgment may be true or false.

It may be given gently with a view to correction, or harshly and in a condemnatory fashion.

It may be given by a friend or by an enemy.

But whatever the case, it is a judgment or criticism about you, that you have fallen short of a standard.

Here’s the key point of his analysis:

A believer is one who identifies with all that God affirms and condemns in Christ’s crucifixion.

In other words, in Christ’s cross I agree with God’s judgment of me; and in Christ’s cross I agree with God’s justification of me. Both have a radical impact on how we take and give criticism.

Here are four points that he makes:

1. Learn to critique yourself.

Here are some questions to ask:

How do I typically react to correction?
Do I pout when criticized or corrected?
What is my first response when someone says I’m wrong?
Do I tend to attack the person?
Do I tend to reject the content of criticism?
Do I tend to react to the manner?
How well do I take advice?
How well do I seek it?
Are people able to approach me to correct me?
Am I teachable?
Do I harbor anger against the person who criticizes me?
Do I immediately seek to defend myself, hauling out my righteous acts and personal opinions in order to defend myself and display my rightness?
Can my spouse, parents, children, brothers, sisters, or friends correct me?

2. Ask the Lord to give you a desire to be wise instead of a fool.

Use Proverbs to commend to yourself the goodness of being willing and able to receive criticism, advice, rebuke, counsel, or correction.

Meditate upon these passages: Proverbs 9:9; 12:15;13:10,13; 15:32; 17:10; Psalm 141:5.

3. Focus on your crucifixion with Christ.

While I can say I have faith in Christ, and even say with Paul, “I have been crucified with Christ,” yet I still find myself not living in light of the cross. So I challenge myself with two questions.

If I continually squirm under the criticism of others, how can I say I know and agree with the criticism of the cross?
If I typically justify myself, how can I say I know, love, and cling to God’s justification of me through Christ’s cross?

This drives me back to contemplating God’s judgment and justification of the sinner in Christ on the cross. As I meditate on what God has done in Christ for me, I find a resolve to agree with and affirm all that God says about me in Christ, with whom I’ve been crucified.

4. Learn to speak nourishing words to others.

I want to receive criticism as a sinner living within Jesus’s mercy, so how can I give criticism in a way that communicates mercy to another?

Accurate, balanced criticism, given mercifully, is the easiest to hear—and even against that my pride rebels.
Unfair criticism or harsh criticism (whether fair or unfair) is needlessly hard to hear.

How can I best give accurate, fair criticism, well tempered with mercy and affirmation?

The following attitudes are essential to giving criticism in a godly way:

I see my brother/sister as one for whom Christ died (1 Cor. 8:11; Heb. 13:1).
I come as an equal, who also is a sinner (Rom. 3:9, 23).
I prepare my heart lest I speak out of wrong motives (Prov. 16:2; 15:28; 16:23).
I examine my own life and confess my sin first (Matt. 7:3-5).
I am always patient, in it for the long haul (Eph. 4:2; 1 Cor. 13:4).
My goal is not to condemn by debating points, but to build up through constructive criticism (Eph. 4:29).
I correct and rebuke my brother gently, in the hope that God will grant him the grace of repentance even as I myself repent only through His grace (2 Tim. 2:24-25).