Wednesday on Writing: The Order of Things

The first thing you must do before you write a novel is to find out how many words the novel should have. A young adult novel should have 60,000 words, unless it is a fantasy YA novel, and then it should have 80,000 words. A middle grade novel should have 45,000 words. Unless it is a fantasy MG and then it should have 75,000 words. If you are writing a sequel, it can be 10% longer than your first novel. If it sells more than 50,000 copies, then it can be up to 20% longer. The third novel can be that much longer again than the second. Everything clear? Oh, adult novels should be 80,000 words unless they are adult fantasy and then they must be 120,000 words. Picture book manuscripts must have under 600 words.

The second thing you must do before you write a novel is figure out how many chapters the novel should have. A young adult novel should have 35 chapters, and a middle grade novel about the same, though they are shorter, only 6 pages each (whereas a young adult novel has 8 page chapters.)

The third thing you must do is write the chapter headings of each of your chapters. There are three recommended methods for chapter headings. 1, mysterious lead-ins that make no sense until the chapter is finished. 2, quotations from famous authors or poets. 3, titles that describe what will happen in the chapter so that the reader knows if s/he wants to read that chapter.

The fourth thing is to name your characters. I recommend looking in baby books from fifteen years ago, for young adult novels. Or if it is fantasy, you should change one letter of any name, preferrably using a "y," or you can use a naming book from another country, or a naming book from the middle ages.

The fifth thing is to write a character sheet for each character. You must know the birthdate, favorite color, favorite clothes, best friend, and worst habit of each character. Each character should have an action that defines them, like pushing hair back over their ears or chewing fingernails. This should come up at least every other page during any scene in which that character is depicted. Each character should have something in the past that will come out in the course of the novel, good or bad. And every character needs to change in an arc that will play out over the course of the novel.

The sixth thing is to write a list of world rules. You need this even in a contemporary novel, because cliques in high school and junior high work in unique ways and you will want to orient the reader in the first ten pages of a novel as to what these rules are. Also recommended is a glossary, especially in a fantasy or scifi novel. You should have at least twenty made up "slang" words that will be introduced and used repeatedly in the novel. You want to make them feel "hip" but not "condescending," so make sure you choose something that won't offend, but that can be used as swearing, and words that are positive, as well.

The seventh thing is to write a plot development. It should be ten pages long, single spaced, so that you can send it to an agent or editor who wants a plot summary. One exciting thing should happen in every chapter. Plan them out, so that they happen at a regular pace, and be sure to add in surprises that will be revealed along the way. But not too many. You want to wait for the climax for everything to come out. Don't worry about your character's motivations. The important thing is having things blow up or people die often enough that the reader will keep turning pages. Above all, don't bother with a lot of boring description. No one reads for that anymore, anyway.

The eighth thing is to write some good dialog. It doesn't matter who it belongs to. Just think up some quotable lines that could be used on the jacket to get readers to buy the book. Snappy comebacks and pop culture references are great. Make sure that you are funny. You can figure out how to embed these quotes later on.

And that's it. That's how to write a novel. Good luck, my friends! You are going to make a million dollars!