Feedback Request

The author of the book featured in Face-Lift 1237 has submitted the following revision, and requests your feedback.

When ZUHAIR is in Katraden for a hunting trip, news arrives that his father ZORAB, King of Azaria, [The first sentence isn't even over, and you've already hit us with four unfamiliar names. Two of them being people whose names begin with Z. I can think of two characters in all fiction whose names begin with Z (Zorro and Zoidberg) and you have two in one sentence. Maybe you should change their names to Zuson and Zodad so I have some hope of remembering which is which.] is trapped in the castle, due to a rebellion by a cult. [I would just say trapped in the castle by rebels. A cult is a small group of people who share religious beliefs that seem crazy to large groups of people who share religious beliefs that seem crazy.] As the cult surrounds his castle, blocking the gates, Zorab realizes he has far too few troops and cannot exit the castle in case the defensive advantage is lost, nor can he deliver a message to his commanders and soldiers outside the castle to relieve [rescue] him. [Someone managed to deliver a message to Zuhair in Katraden, but they can't get a message to soldiers right outside the castle?] Zuhair takes an army from Katraden, shatters the cult, and saves his father and the Kingdom. [That was easy. What do you mean, he "takes" an army? Is it an Azarian army? Did he take an army on his hunting trip?] He is known [hailed] as a hero ever since.
But Zuhair is the youngest of three brothers, each with a longing for Kingship. FRAJOR, second son of Zorab plots to kill his father and GHORIL, the heir, so he can rule himself. Meanwhile Ghoril struggles with feelings of jealousy against Zuhair. Ghoril longs to be a hero, something his revulsion for the common people, and extravagance, doesn't allow him to become, and he blames Zuhair for it. [Those repugnant commoners disgust me, Zuhair, but I wish they treated me like a hero. I blame you.] 
As Azaria struggles with rebellion, treachery and war between brothers, the King of neighbouring Karta, Tavulun III, prepares for an invasion with a force of two hundred thousand strong. Tavulun is a tyrant who leaves demolished structures, dead bodies and wailing widows in his wake. If the Azarian Kingdom does not unite, it may fade away from existence. [If Azaria has enough troops to fight off an army of two hundred thousand, where were they when the castle was under attack by a measly cult?] [Also, "fading away" suggests a gradual decline. 200,000 soldiers leaving behind demolished structures, dead bodies and wailing widows sounds more like instant annihilation.]  
KINGDOM OF FIRE at 100,000 words is the first in a series. I have already started working on a sequel. [Do I need to read the whole series because nothing is resolved in this book, or will the ending of this book satisfy me?]


Notes

Who is supposed to unite? The cult and the regular army? The three brothers? Does each brother have an army of his own?

I would focus less on the military aspects and more on the family dynamics.

Also, I would change everyone's name. People with bad names seldom accomplish anything worthwhile.