The Elephant In The Room

I wrote a dirty book.

I never set out to. When I began writing The Strong One the character of Brianna was a lost and weak soul living with a nasty boyfriend and was a bit of a drug addict. She wasn’t a stripper, didn’t curse like a sailor and the only sex scene I’d have likely written would have been a tender session between her and the yet-unnamed Brandon character after they had been trapped together for awhile. But here’s the funny thing about writing that I feel I need to explain to those of you who aren’t writers:   stories and characters can develop lives of their own and pull an author in directions they never expected. This is what happened with Brianna.

Instead of a weak Mary Sue (a derogatory term writers use for dull and predictable characters) Brianna morphed into a confused and angry young woman. Mostly she was angry with herself and her station in life and vented her frustrations via profane outbursts and acting out sexually. Though I don’t know a person specifically like her, parts of who she is I have observed in others. People like Brianna exist and for reasons I will probably never be able to explain she insisted in speaking for them. As I wrote, I could tell she was becoming something else,  careening a bit out of control on the pages just as she was in her life. The damnedest thing was this is the exact thing that made her so interesting. She smoked (something I abhor), she swore (something I do but not nearly with her frequency) and she had robust, carnal sex (something we all must begrudgingly admit has appeal). Brianna was, frankly, a mess.

Contrasting her nasty white-trash tendencies was a conscience; one so strong she engaged it in argumentative conversations. As screwed up as Brianna might be she wanted to do right by both herself and those around her, provided they were deserving; to the others not-so-much. Brianna was (and is) a conflicted human being, stumbling through life making mistakes (some of them whoppers), learning, and striving to become better. This is pretty much all of us, and so the reader can both empathize and root for her to succeed and survive.

As I was writing and later reading some of the raw and descriptive sex scenes I couldn’t help but wonder what some people would think. Do I want my mother reading this stuff? My wife? My sister’s teenage kids? Is this a work to be proud of or embarrassed by? Several times I read over the scenes I had created and a) wondered where they heck in my head they came from while b) fitfully assessing if they could-or should-be toned down for public consumption. I ultimately decided they would stand as originally written because I had to tell the truth. Brianna needed to be shown as she really was no matter how vulgar. Her story is one of growth and triumph over things previously out of her control. After 250+ pages of working with her I cared for her far too much to stifle her voice. Repulsive to some readers she may ultimately be, but it is who she is…and who I must allow her to be. Though her creation and actions may embarrass me slightly, I am dedicated to a truthful telling of her stories, warts and all. My intent is not to titillate but to accurately depict a reality that is out there. That it may be different and even repugnant to some readers is a risk that a wordsmith must sometimes embrace.

Is it dirty? Vile? Pornographic? I leave it up to you. Every individual will react a bit differently. That I, as an author, can get you to react is ultimately my goal. I hope you can respect that.