I always wanted to…

Now, this is a tricky situation. To write about what I always wanted to become, I should first make myself fill with serenity. For I had not one, but many dreams (and hence, I would hyperventilate while speaking about them). My childhood dreams ranged from being a playback singer/actor/writer to doctor/software engineer. Yes, I was weird. I could never stabilize my thoughts.

1.Superstar

There were times when I would jump up in ecstasy and start singing my heart out, imagining myself to be a playback singer. And then there were times where I would enact the entire climax of the Tamil movie Chandramukhi (or Bhool Bhulaiya for the uninitiated). Well, playback singing would’ve been accepted as a respectable dream by my near and dear ones. But, acting! No. A definite no. Though I participated in school plays, mimicked the expressions & behavior of my neighborhood aunties, imagined myself singing around the trees and enacted various scenes from movies, I would have never been allowed to take up acting as mainstream. No, wait, that wasn’t the case. I brought myself to accept the fact that acting isn’t a respectable dream and I would bring in bad name and lose my reputation. By the way, to become an actress, I should turn glamorous and act out romantic scenes, right? Hell, no! I would never do that. I can never even imagine myself wearing revealing clothes or getting close to guys. That’s because I am from a middle class society which has turned me into the modest woman I am. I am happy with who I am. Hence, *acting dream buried*.

And, I would chide myself, look at all the actresses. They have milky-white skin. The industry requires women who can be easily spotted in a crowd or who would love makeup to the core. You’re just a plain Jane. Dusky girls get only supporting roles or act in feature films. How could I even think about getting into that industry? Well, I am happy that I never tried follow this dream of mine. With one new actress coming up every day, this industry doesn’t fascinate me anymore. Though I was prodded on to take up video jockeying or act in advertisements, I never paid any heed to that. (I have revealed the biggest hidden talent of mine through this blog post. Sigh!).

2.Nightingale

As mentioned above, playback singing was another dream of mine. For your information, I am still a singer. A professional one, though (don’t confuse it with playback). I sing in orchestras and other events which has musical programmes. I also record rough cover versions of film songs and upload them in YouTube. You can listen to my latest offering here: Maalai Neram Ft. Kavya Janani. But, I still wait for that big break. A break that would never come.