The Fools on the Hill

Well, the Chestnut Hill Book Festival was a huge waste of my time and a gigantic disappointment. What kind of festival decides, at the last minute, not to use a book seller? Somehow, they forgot to mention this to me. They claimed they'd informed everyone. That's not true. When I arrived, after a long drive, one of the the organizers told me they'd decided to let the authors bring their own books. I reminded her that, in our very first email discussion, I'd said I don't sell my own books. I was very clear about that. She remembered this, but then asked, several times, about whether I'd called to discuss bringing books. (I hadn't.) And then told me, several times, that she was sure someone had sent the authors an email about bringing books. Sigh. It was a disorganized mess. I was going to leave, but I decided to stay for my session since I didn't want to let down any fans who might show up. It wasn't the kids' fault that the organziers were so inept.

The only bright point was that the host, Kathy O'Connell, was amazingly cool. (How cool? She knew Soupy Sales when she was a kid, and even wrote jokes for him. I rest my case.) She has a radio program for kids. Since the audience was a sparse array of parents and toddlers, we decided that rather than giving the talk I'd prepared for the teens and tween I'd expected to find, I'd do an interview with her. That was fun. (She and I totally bonded when she caught my pre-interview whispered reference to Harold and Maud.)

The sad truth is that, while there are some excellent festivals out there, including an amazing one in Decautur and several in NY state, many of them are like this. They are great for the local shops and restaurants. They are wonderful for the organizers, who get to play manager and hang out with writers and illustrators, they're a lot of fun for the people who brings their kids and let them paw through books with their chocolate-stained hands, but they basically suck for the authors, unless the organizers realize that, for us, this is a business. As Jon Stewart said to Tucker Carlson, "I'm not your monkey."

I'm doing another festival in September. This one has already asked me for a list of titles and ISBN numbers. I think it will be a vastly different experience. I've ranted long enough. Let me end with a word of caution to my fellow writers. If you're invited to next year's Chestnut Hill Book Festival, load up your trunk. Or just say, "no." If you're invited to any festival, find out who was there the year before, and do some networking. You're not anyone's monkey, either.