Hamptons Hotness: A Recap

You know that the Hamptons magazine party won't exactly live in infamy when the highlight of the fete was sharing an elevator with Suzie from Basketball Wives. She's about 11 feet tall in person and quite striking until she starts to talk.

I walked out behind her, hoping to be mistaken for Evelyn Lozado

Suz aside, the event was only medium fun. They served Courvoisier cocktails (a word my auto-correct insists should be "bourgeois") (the jokes are writing themselves here) and the  STK rooftop was beautifully breezy.

The crowd, less so.

As expected, it was the who's who of no one important, but everyone craned their necks and looked you thoroughly up and down trying to decide if you were worth sneering at in jealousy. All the guys had their pants rolled up and there were far too many French accents going around for my taste.

And then of course there was Heidi Klum, who I saw only for a brief moment as I walked in but–prepare to be shocked–she looked gorgeous and adorable.

 

I've met Heidi a few times and she's one of the few celebs who is totally awesome in person. I think she realized years ago that her beauty would probably last forever, and therefore didn't need to be a huge bitch, terrified that her star was going to fade.

But people like Paris Hilton, Lily Allen and Ramona Singer (all of whom I've met and instantly detested) know that they're essentially useless and falsely believe that the meaner they are, the longer they'll stay relevant.

The point, darlings? The Hamptons, like certain celebrities, are better in your imagination than in real life.