Does What frustrate Me Frustrate You
I woke up this morning, thinking, oh crap, it’s today again. You know how it is. My ankles were stiff and my mouth tasted like somebody urinated in it. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice day outside. The problem was that it wasn’t a nice day inside. Immediately, I made a list of things I was just sick of, as far as life went. I mean shit that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life, that you might have to deal with for the rest of your life.
Here goes:
• I’m tired of using the restroom. It just stops my day. Seriously, you run out of things to do when you’re in there. Haven’t you been in a hurry and barely on time and then out of nowhere you have to make a decision—hit the pot or be late to work. And nobody ever uses the excuse, “Oh, I’m sorry I was late, I had to drop a load.” It doesn’t work. I’m tired of it, but it’s going to happen for the rest of my life. The rest of my life.
• I hate doing laundry. Nuff said.
• I have to curse a lot for this one. I’m tired of hearing racist shit from racist mother fuckers. I’m over it. Just admit you’re a fuckin nazi and get your ass kicked so we can all move on. There, I said it. I know, deep down, that for the rest of my life I’m going to deal with these boneheads. Over it.
• Buying clothes. I hate being in clothing stores and trying on clothes. I don’t care if my shirts and pants have holes and have been eaten in parts by small animals. I don’t like shopping. Those bastards selling me clothes always look at me like I need some new clothes, which I usually do, but still, don’t look at me like that…punk. This will happen for…the…rest…of…my…life.
• I’m even tired of getting hungry. Again, it’s one of those things that stops your day. Do you know how much time you’d save if you just didn’t eat? And I don’t mean skip lunch here and there. I mean don’t eat. You’ll get at least two hours a day back. Two hours a day. That’s 14 hours in a week, an entire awake day, which leads me to my next point.
• This is going to sound silly, but… Sleeping sucks. You miss, if you’re me, at least four to six hours a day because you couldn’t man up and stay awake. I know some people who sleep as much as seven to eight hours a day. Just sleeping their life away. People say they love sleeping but how would they know? They were asleep. If you seriously need to get time back in your life, try sleeping less, and stop urinating. Let’s do the math. Between
sleeping and eating you waste about 10 hours a day. If you add urinating time, moments for yourself get less by about a third. In other words, it’s better to not do shit with your time.
• Trying to make sense gets to be out of control. Have you ever said something and then everybody thought you said one thing but meant something else. And you’re like, “No, whatever I said is exactly what I meant.” And they’re like, “No, you meant something else.” So it kind of makes you not want to talk? I say I’m going to the bathroom and they think I’m going to go do heroin. I say I’m going to read and they hear me say I don’t really like them as people. I say I don’t want to go out because people suck and they hear, oh, you’re broke. I say shut the hell up and sure enough they keep talking. This is going to happen for the rest of my life. I will be a bitter old man. Very bitter.
• People are going to hate me for this one. Tipping. Here’s a tip. Get a different job. Do you know that if I signed up for a job that paid me less than minimum wage, people would think I was an idiot. I certainly can’t go home after work and complain that all the families that I help every day didn’t give me extra money, because that’s what it is, extra money. Yep, I’ve been called cheap, because I am. It’s how I can afford to have someone design my blog, something the waiter or waitress isn’t going to do for me. Yep, I’ve been called not grateful for the service they provide, because I am. I’m not grateful. I just don’t think you deserve an additional three dollars for saying hi and filling my glass of water. Really, a glass of water for $3? Where would you go and think a glass of tap water for $3 is justified? Someone suggested I don’t eat at those places. I suggested he stop tipping, so we were at a standstill.
Anyway, I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff that you don’t like about life. Go ahead and comment about it.
U.L. Harper
Here goes:
• I’m tired of using the restroom. It just stops my day. Seriously, you run out of things to do when you’re in there. Haven’t you been in a hurry and barely on time and then out of nowhere you have to make a decision—hit the pot or be late to work. And nobody ever uses the excuse, “Oh, I’m sorry I was late, I had to drop a load.” It doesn’t work. I’m tired of it, but it’s going to happen for the rest of my life. The rest of my life.
• I hate doing laundry. Nuff said.
• I have to curse a lot for this one. I’m tired of hearing racist shit from racist mother fuckers. I’m over it. Just admit you’re a fuckin nazi and get your ass kicked so we can all move on. There, I said it. I know, deep down, that for the rest of my life I’m going to deal with these boneheads. Over it.
• Buying clothes. I hate being in clothing stores and trying on clothes. I don’t care if my shirts and pants have holes and have been eaten in parts by small animals. I don’t like shopping. Those bastards selling me clothes always look at me like I need some new clothes, which I usually do, but still, don’t look at me like that…punk. This will happen for…the…rest…of…my…life.
• I’m even tired of getting hungry. Again, it’s one of those things that stops your day. Do you know how much time you’d save if you just didn’t eat? And I don’t mean skip lunch here and there. I mean don’t eat. You’ll get at least two hours a day back. Two hours a day. That’s 14 hours in a week, an entire awake day, which leads me to my next point.
• This is going to sound silly, but… Sleeping sucks. You miss, if you’re me, at least four to six hours a day because you couldn’t man up and stay awake. I know some people who sleep as much as seven to eight hours a day. Just sleeping their life away. People say they love sleeping but how would they know? They were asleep. If you seriously need to get time back in your life, try sleeping less, and stop urinating. Let’s do the math. Between
sleeping and eating you waste about 10 hours a day. If you add urinating time, moments for yourself get less by about a third. In other words, it’s better to not do shit with your time.
• Trying to make sense gets to be out of control. Have you ever said something and then everybody thought you said one thing but meant something else. And you’re like, “No, whatever I said is exactly what I meant.” And they’re like, “No, you meant something else.” So it kind of makes you not want to talk? I say I’m going to the bathroom and they think I’m going to go do heroin. I say I’m going to read and they hear me say I don’t really like them as people. I say I don’t want to go out because people suck and they hear, oh, you’re broke. I say shut the hell up and sure enough they keep talking. This is going to happen for the rest of my life. I will be a bitter old man. Very bitter.
• People are going to hate me for this one. Tipping. Here’s a tip. Get a different job. Do you know that if I signed up for a job that paid me less than minimum wage, people would think I was an idiot. I certainly can’t go home after work and complain that all the families that I help every day didn’t give me extra money, because that’s what it is, extra money. Yep, I’ve been called cheap, because I am. It’s how I can afford to have someone design my blog, something the waiter or waitress isn’t going to do for me. Yep, I’ve been called not grateful for the service they provide, because I am. I’m not grateful. I just don’t think you deserve an additional three dollars for saying hi and filling my glass of water. Really, a glass of water for $3? Where would you go and think a glass of tap water for $3 is justified? Someone suggested I don’t eat at those places. I suggested he stop tipping, so we were at a standstill.
Anyway, I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff that you don’t like about life. Go ahead and comment about it.
U.L. Harper
date
newest »
newest »
message 1:
by
Christina
(new)
Jul 30, 2011 08:33PM
Laughed my ass off! But it's all true!! I don't like going to the grocery store... it's a necessary evil. I also don't like going to family reunions. That is time and money wasted. I could take a real vacate and instead I have to see my twisted family tree in action. If I liked them they wouldn't be my FAMILY they'd be my FRIENDS!
reply
|
flag
Now that is funny and true. I hadn't thought of it that way!
