On the Subject of Praise - Authorish Thoughts
Several months back I had a beta reader for WLHYL who expressed his dislike for how often my characters "praised" each other. The beta reader had some valid points (such as the fact that since it was in first person it made the main character seem conceited when she was personally praised), but overall I disagreed with his view point. In the end I toned down the praise directed at the main character, rewrote some of the other stuff that could have be construed as being prideful, but kept most of the encouraging words in the book.
I wrote a somewhat lengthy email to the beta reader explaining my reasoning and thought y'all might be interested in reading the email as well, since it discusses some of the "behind the scenes" authorish thoughts going through my head when I write. I hope y'all enjoy. (By the way, "Maddie" is the main character in WLHYL.)
The email:
An explanation of why I have my characters say nice stuff about each other so often… Hopefully this helps clear it up. (And, I don’t know if any of what I say will be new to you, but hopefully my thoughts come out clearly and you can understand what I’m trying to say.)
First of all, I do totally agree that you shouldn't praise yourself: Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. (Proverbs 27:2) I’ll work on fixing that in the book and I appreciate you pointing it out.
And, please keep in mind that I know there are a lot of verses about flattery and deceit and lying tongues, but in this email I’m talking about real and genuine praise because that’s what my characters are doing.
One more thing, I don’t generally like using the word “praise” because it makes me think of praising God, but the world also means “the expression of approval or admiration for someone or something.” I’m using the word a lot in this email because the Bible uses it a lot in the verses I’m quoting.
As an author I find words to be extremely important and I’ve discovered that God does, too. Take for instance Proverbs 18:21: Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. I’m not sure how much more serious you can get then that. :)
I know some Christians shy away from anything that sounds like new age-y affirmations, but what they don’t realize is that the Bible has been teaching that we should speak kind words and have positive thoughts all along. Even the above quoted verse about not praising yourself says that we should let other people praise us.
In Proverbs 31:28 we’re told that a virtuous woman will be called blessed by her children and praised by her husband. Plus two verses earlier it says “and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” That covers the whole family speaking kind and praiseworthy words in just three verses.
Proverbs 15:4 says: A soothing tongue is a tree of life, But perversion in it crushes the spirit. There have been a lot of times when I didn’t feel well or I was tired and someone would say something unkind to me and all I wanted to do was go crawl in bed because all of my remaining energy felt sucked out. And, on the other hand, there have been many times when I’ve been going to rest because I feel so bad and then someone says something really kind or sweet to me and it’s wonderful because life has been spoken to me and I suddenly don’t need to rest any more.
Ephesians 4:29 says: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Since we’ve already been told that we should praise others, doesn’t it make sense that part of the “edifying” and communications that “minister grace” to others might include praising them?
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 We’re not only supposed to get rid of harsh words, etc…, but we’re also supposed to “replace” all that bad stuff with good stuff. When I think of being kind, I think that includes our words.
Proverbs 12:18 says: There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.
Proverbs 15:1 says: A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Our parents taught us to share genuine praise and gratitude often, not just with each other, but everyone. It’s a really good way to “minister grace unto the hearers” and spread “life” and “health.” I don’t know how many good conversations have been started with a total stranger because one of us have given them genuine praise, but it is really a neat way to be a light to others.
(Illustrating story, hopefully you don't take this as bragging because that is so not my intent. Once in a public restroom I thanked the cleaning lady for how good of a job she was doing and commended her for keeping it so nice. She started crying and said she’d been having a really hard day and that was just what she needed. The conversation ended with me praying for her and giving her a hug. I have no clue if she’s a child of God’s or not -that never came up- but I do know I was able to minister to her and help bear her burden and spread God’s love.)
You also had a problem with Maddie reminding herself that she had worth, so here are a few of my thoughts on that:
You would agree that human life is worth something, right? (Of course.) We are made in the image of God after all. And, in addition to that, as God’s child, Maddie is now the daughter of the King of kings.
I didn’t mean that what Maddie did on her own made her worth something extra special. But I do think far too many people don’t realize what they are worth to God. He sent His Son to die for us, after all. That doesn’t make us worth anything on our own (I know our righteousness is like filthy rags), but since the highest price possible was spent to redeem us, we do have worth. In Him. I probably need to make that more clear in the book though.
Matthew 10:31 says: Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
And, I can’t remember if we’ve talked about “Positive Thinking” or not, but I thought I might as well share my thoughts on it now in case it comes up later on. :)
Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. When I was finally starting to get better the doctor told me that when I woke up each morning, the first thing I needed to do was think of something happy. This was because my body had been in pain for so long that it was literally trained to signal my brain with pain signals, even when I was no longer in pain. Therefore I had to retrain my brain, so to speak. I had recently implemented thanking God for 10 things when I first woke up, so I just continued doing that. Hearing the doctor made me think of this^verse though. :)
Philippians 4:8 says: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. And Proverbs 10:24 says: What the wicked fears will come upon him, But the desire of the righteous will be granted.
To me this is very specific. Even though some people turn having a positive attitude and positive thinking into something weird and twist the idea all around, in the end the basic idea is a command from God. That means we can’t choose not to obey simply because some people have taken the idea and polluted it. (Just for clarification: I don’t agree with the health and wealth brainwashy stuff some people teach.)
Just a few more verses before I end my tome…
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Mark 9:23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things [are] possible to him that believeth.
And, I had not realized how late it was getting. Wow. I’ll probably end up using an edited version of this as a blog post one day since I’ve created a book…
I hope this clears up the issues you have with the praising. I can imagine you’ll still want me to tone it down, and I will possibly do so… But hopefully this will give you some food for thought and possibly help change your outlook on the matter after you’ve looked into it.
Let me know if you have any questions and I would be really delighted to hear your thoughts on all the above and if you are still in a state of great disagreement with the Emersons (errrr, umm, or their author).
~Lydia
I wrote a somewhat lengthy email to the beta reader explaining my reasoning and thought y'all might be interested in reading the email as well, since it discusses some of the "behind the scenes" authorish thoughts going through my head when I write. I hope y'all enjoy. (By the way, "Maddie" is the main character in WLHYL.)
The email:
An explanation of why I have my characters say nice stuff about each other so often… Hopefully this helps clear it up. (And, I don’t know if any of what I say will be new to you, but hopefully my thoughts come out clearly and you can understand what I’m trying to say.)
First of all, I do totally agree that you shouldn't praise yourself: Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. (Proverbs 27:2) I’ll work on fixing that in the book and I appreciate you pointing it out.
And, please keep in mind that I know there are a lot of verses about flattery and deceit and lying tongues, but in this email I’m talking about real and genuine praise because that’s what my characters are doing.
One more thing, I don’t generally like using the word “praise” because it makes me think of praising God, but the world also means “the expression of approval or admiration for someone or something.” I’m using the word a lot in this email because the Bible uses it a lot in the verses I’m quoting.
As an author I find words to be extremely important and I’ve discovered that God does, too. Take for instance Proverbs 18:21: Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. I’m not sure how much more serious you can get then that. :)
I know some Christians shy away from anything that sounds like new age-y affirmations, but what they don’t realize is that the Bible has been teaching that we should speak kind words and have positive thoughts all along. Even the above quoted verse about not praising yourself says that we should let other people praise us.
In Proverbs 31:28 we’re told that a virtuous woman will be called blessed by her children and praised by her husband. Plus two verses earlier it says “and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” That covers the whole family speaking kind and praiseworthy words in just three verses.
Proverbs 15:4 says: A soothing tongue is a tree of life, But perversion in it crushes the spirit. There have been a lot of times when I didn’t feel well or I was tired and someone would say something unkind to me and all I wanted to do was go crawl in bed because all of my remaining energy felt sucked out. And, on the other hand, there have been many times when I’ve been going to rest because I feel so bad and then someone says something really kind or sweet to me and it’s wonderful because life has been spoken to me and I suddenly don’t need to rest any more.
Ephesians 4:29 says: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Since we’ve already been told that we should praise others, doesn’t it make sense that part of the “edifying” and communications that “minister grace” to others might include praising them?
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 We’re not only supposed to get rid of harsh words, etc…, but we’re also supposed to “replace” all that bad stuff with good stuff. When I think of being kind, I think that includes our words.
Proverbs 12:18 says: There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.
Proverbs 15:1 says: A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Our parents taught us to share genuine praise and gratitude often, not just with each other, but everyone. It’s a really good way to “minister grace unto the hearers” and spread “life” and “health.” I don’t know how many good conversations have been started with a total stranger because one of us have given them genuine praise, but it is really a neat way to be a light to others.
(Illustrating story, hopefully you don't take this as bragging because that is so not my intent. Once in a public restroom I thanked the cleaning lady for how good of a job she was doing and commended her for keeping it so nice. She started crying and said she’d been having a really hard day and that was just what she needed. The conversation ended with me praying for her and giving her a hug. I have no clue if she’s a child of God’s or not -that never came up- but I do know I was able to minister to her and help bear her burden and spread God’s love.)
You also had a problem with Maddie reminding herself that she had worth, so here are a few of my thoughts on that:
You would agree that human life is worth something, right? (Of course.) We are made in the image of God after all. And, in addition to that, as God’s child, Maddie is now the daughter of the King of kings.
I didn’t mean that what Maddie did on her own made her worth something extra special. But I do think far too many people don’t realize what they are worth to God. He sent His Son to die for us, after all. That doesn’t make us worth anything on our own (I know our righteousness is like filthy rags), but since the highest price possible was spent to redeem us, we do have worth. In Him. I probably need to make that more clear in the book though.
Matthew 10:31 says: Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
And, I can’t remember if we’ve talked about “Positive Thinking” or not, but I thought I might as well share my thoughts on it now in case it comes up later on. :)
Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. When I was finally starting to get better the doctor told me that when I woke up each morning, the first thing I needed to do was think of something happy. This was because my body had been in pain for so long that it was literally trained to signal my brain with pain signals, even when I was no longer in pain. Therefore I had to retrain my brain, so to speak. I had recently implemented thanking God for 10 things when I first woke up, so I just continued doing that. Hearing the doctor made me think of this^verse though. :)
Philippians 4:8 says: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. And Proverbs 10:24 says: What the wicked fears will come upon him, But the desire of the righteous will be granted.
To me this is very specific. Even though some people turn having a positive attitude and positive thinking into something weird and twist the idea all around, in the end the basic idea is a command from God. That means we can’t choose not to obey simply because some people have taken the idea and polluted it. (Just for clarification: I don’t agree with the health and wealth brainwashy stuff some people teach.)
Just a few more verses before I end my tome…
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Mark 9:23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things [are] possible to him that believeth.
And, I had not realized how late it was getting. Wow. I’ll probably end up using an edited version of this as a blog post one day since I’ve created a book…
I hope this clears up the issues you have with the praising. I can imagine you’ll still want me to tone it down, and I will possibly do so… But hopefully this will give you some food for thought and possibly help change your outlook on the matter after you’ve looked into it.
Let me know if you have any questions and I would be really delighted to hear your thoughts on all the above and if you are still in a state of great disagreement with the Emersons (errrr, umm, or their author).
~Lydia
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