Subversive Tranquility

A classic article in the satirical publication, The Onion, is far more than humorous satire. In its humor it strikes a deep chord of truth in this particular aging revolutionary. Building on The Onion’s  humorous article, I can imagine countless hidden “terrorist cells,” small groups of people going about seemingly ordinary American lives but secretly cultivating and enriching the materials necessary for peace, contentment, and tranquility. They may look like the rest of us, but underneath their carefully maintained disguise they are dedicated radicals who will not rest until they have unleashed a kindness conflagration that will engulf the Western world.

These people are stockpiling reserves of composure, calmness, and quiet in preparation for release upon an unsuspecting public. “It will destroy the Western economic system,” confidently predicts the leader of a cell located somewhere in the midst of Silicon Valley. The man is hidden by a screen and his voice is disguised as he feels he is taking a great risk in granting me this short interview. “You can call me Malcolm C,” he says, “The ‘C’ stands for compassion. Remember that word,” he warns, “soon the streets of major cities will be awash in it.”

I asked Malcolm C if his organization has plans for recruitment here in America and he chuckles, “Recruitment happens by itself. The more chaos and suffering continues to broaden its hold on Western culture, the more people will naturally turn to kindness and peace. It is inevitable. People will drop like ripe fruit into our brotherhood and sisterhood.”

I called a contact at the Department of Homeland Security and asked if they were aware of such an organization. He was hesitant to comment but acknowledged that, “there is a very real threat to the fabric of our society from groups like this and I assure you that the Department is taking every measure possible to root them out and render them harmless. Nothing is going to threaten our anxiety, restlessness, and general malaise.”

I asked him what specific steps his department was taking to counter this threat. “I can’t reveal our exact plans but it will involve increasing fearful media stories about people ‘not like us,’ along with accompanying advertisements for firearms, video games, fast food, and new cars.” He chuckled and commented, “These radical terrorists won’t stand a chance.”

I went about my business the rest of the day with a prickly feeling in the nape of my neck. Were there people around me, normal looking people, who were secretly wishing me peace and harmony? How would I know? What could I do about it? Then I felt an urge to sit quietly and enjoy the quiet of my home. Could this be the result of a surreptitious attack? I fought the urge by opening my FaceBook account but couldn’t get the desire for quiet out of my mind. I finally went into the back yard, pulled up a lawn chair and sat to watch the chipmunks, jays, and quail sort through the seeds and nuts that Nancy had scattered.

What might we face next? These people are growing in numbers and influence. Be warned: we are all vulnerable to the presence of contentment and happiness and will need to be vigilant in order to make America Great Again and to Keep it Great.

reference The Onion http://www.theonion.com/article/buddhist-extremist-cell-vows-to-unleash-tranquilit-34623