Trust30 Not Quite Complete Review

I've taken some time over the last few days to start reading the actual Ralph Waldo Emerson essay, "Self-Reliance". While there's a lot in here that I agree with and find admirable, there are things in here that I find myself disagreeing with. That's going to happen, and it's nothing to worry about. It wasn't really the point of the #Trust30 exercise in the first place. The main value of Trust30 to me (which admittedly I came up a few posts short in) has been in discovering what I think, and what I believe, and what I hold to be bedrock foundational true. And disagreeing with Emerson is probably something Emerson would have been totally okay with, looking over what I've read of his essay so far.

In the last post, I wrote something that made me step back and take a hard look at myself and my life. When I asked the question about how in love you were with the illusion that you thought you were projecting to the world, that struck home. I wrote it, and I sat there staring at it and realized… Holy Cow, I am so guilty of doing that. It's caused me to take some steps over the last few days to reconcile the difference between what I want to be, and what I'd sort of allowed myself to become. These are steps that, while painful in the short term, will get me closer to where I want to be, and where my family wants to be. Which is what it's all about.

I'm grateful for the opportunity that I took to participate, and I'll possibly come back and finish up the last few prompts. And in the meantime, it feels like I'm clearing the cruft away from some channels that I'd allowed to become thick with overgrowth. It feels wonderful to have the occasional scary-yet-awesome idea again. The Oh Crap, I have to write THAT?!? feeling that I've been without for a while.

So it's back to the blank page. Back to the three words for this year. Reach. Practice. Play. Back to trusting that I can receive enough light and enough… inspiration, I suppose, though that's not really the word I want to use there… to move forward.