My personal assault on the institution of coffee

I am constantly annoyed by the Facebook updates, Twitter posts and verbal declarations regarding the need for coffee, the desire for coffee and the importance of coffee in everyday life.

It's a beverage, people.

Only it's not. 

Somehow it's also become a societal totem of a harried lifestyle.  The prized moniker of both the inundated worker bee and the ambitious titan of industry.  A demarcation of imposed diligence and prized productivity.    

And at the same time, it's also become an acceptable means of spending leisure time.   

"Let's get a cup of coffee" has become equivalent to "Let's take a hike" or "Let's go see a movie" or "Let's go throw a Frisbee in the park."

I find all of this utterly insane. 

Nevertheless, I decided to take a step back from my hardened stance on the mysterious brew and be a little more reflective when is comes to my position.  I wanted to determine why these constant coffee declarations bother me so much.

Why "This is definitely a two cup day!" and "Need. Coffee. Now." makes me want to punch said coffee drinkers in the face. 

I've come up with three possibilities:

I don't drink coffee, nor have I ever even tasted coffee, so I can't possibly understand its impact on a coffee drinker's everyday life. The need for coffee is so often expressed that it has become  exceedingly repetitive, virtually meaningless and utterly cliché. The apparent physical need for coffee (or any other substance) is a human weakness that I detest and avoid at all costs.

All three possibilities may play a role, but I'm leaning toward #2.

I am, however, willing to listen to opposing viewpoints.

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Published on July 07, 2011 10:56
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message 1: by Diane (new)

Diane I never understood the NEED for coffee until I was pregnant with my daughter - I was a tea drinker through & through, used to mock my mom's coffee drinking as a way to get through the day of mommyhood. Now I can't live without at least one cup a day, if not more. And yes, I'm one whose Facebook updates include coffee several times a week. I sweeten & cream up my coffee so it tastes like a treat because I don't like the taste of coffee on its own but I need the caffeine to get moving when Katie wakes up during the night & needs Mama or when I just can't get to sleep (I suffer from mild insomnia) or whatever it is that keeps me from being fully awake & raring to go at 7 a.m.

Coffee is right up there with my allergy medicine - can't live as a happy human without them (and you wouldn't want to be around me when I haven't had either of them). You sound like one of the rare people who have energy in the morning without caffeine - more power to you! I used to be like that, when I got 8 solid hours of sleep every night. Maybe one day I'll be able to kick the coffee habit - maybe when Katie is finished teething?


message 2: by Shanshad (new)

Shanshad Whelan I hate hot coffee, but have become accustomed to iced coffee many mornings. Ever since I became a mom and wound up with less sleep, yet still have to be awake to take care of the kids or be "on" at work, I've had some form of coffee. I generally talk more about chocolate on facebook than I do about coffee. It's the caffeine thing for me.

Like today with four hours of sleep to get through everything. Caffeine was necessary to keep me from falling asleep. I do think coffee and tea can be social activities: they've been such for centuries. And to me it can be just as valid as the guys who go out for a beer after work or for drinks at the local wine bar.


message 3: by Callie (new)

Callie Coffee is also a ritual, a comfort. I know I can get through a tough commute, a tough meeting, a tough report or a tough day in general if I have that coffee.

I wonder if the bigger problem is the over-sharing that goes on in social media?


message 4: by Matthew (new)

Matthew Dicks Or maybe not over-sharing, but unnecessary-sharing. I watched a woman ask for 12 creams and 12 sugars in her small coffee this morning at Dunkin Donuts (I was getting coffee for my wife). I tweeted it, because I thought it highly unusual and slightly insane. And it got a response. People couldn't believe it. It made one person laugh.

This seemed like the right kind of coffee-sharing situation to me.

"Need. Coffee. Now." or "This is going to be a three-cup day!" or "I need my Starbucks" are not, because they offer the reader nothing new.

You may be onto something, Callie. Thanks!


message 5: by Callie (new)

Callie 12 creams and 12 sugars means it was no longer coffee, more like a vaguely coffee-tinted beverage. But that's for another day.


message 6: by Matthew (new)

Matthew Dicks I'm actually writing about your insight right now! You've got me thinking!


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