How I Learned To Hate Twitter DM Within A Matter Of Days

My wife dragged me to Twitter–kicking and screaming–little under a year ago. Much like Facebook and Myspace, she created my account, taught me enough to get started, and left me to learn as I go. While it was not as difficult as, say, traversing the Appalachian Mountains without a compass or canteen, I did feel–at times–as if vultures stared hungrily over my shoulder. I feel their breath on my neck even now.

Twitter, especially, was hardest to navigate, mostly due to protocols concerning courtesy and how to respond to folk who initiate contact. Problem is, one never knows when said people are real or malicious “bots” trying to unload malware onto your account. Malware. Sounds like something Mr. Blackwell would call an out-of-season dress.

But sometimes real folk can be just as irritating. After a few days of Tweeting, I decided that everyone who did something nice for me–favorited a post, retweeted me, or aimed positive words in my general direction–would receive a brief, but sincere, DM thanking them for their communication. In the real world, this is known as common courtesy.

For the most part, however, a large percentage of people responded with a DM full of spam. “Buy my book!” they replied, adding a link for my “convenience”. The first few times this happened it bothered me. Now that it happens all but a handful of times, it makes me hesitant to contact even those few nice people. I love a retweet, but my blood boils when someone responds to my words of thanks with a sales pitch.

Look, I’m as guilty as others when it comes to using Twitter to sell my work. With a short story anthology about to launch, my online presence has increased, and–as is usually the case–my follow numbers dropped by two or three people. A heavy sales pitch on a daily basis puts me off, too, so I don’t blame people when they unfollow me for being a common sinner. But I cannot handle a sincere DM turning into a launching pad for spam. I grew up in an era when a “Thank you” warranted a simple “You’re welcome”. And I do get that, on occasion, but not nearly as often as I should.

I’ve heard this particular complaint voiced by dozens of other Twitter users, so it seems to be a growing problem. I think it rude; others think it an excuse to grab pitchforks and torches and march on the offender’s house, calling for blood. I’m not to that point. Yet.

Twitter is not all bad. I’ve made connections there…I’ve been invited to submit my work to a noteworthy anthology based on a conversation I had with its editor. We shot the breeze one day (instead of writing!) and he made mention of my abnormal outlook on life–and then asked me to submit a story to the fourth iteration of his series. It is in this way that Twitter is wonderful.

That (rare) pleasant exchange aside, the rudeness that accompanies sincerity is a bit much to take, even for someone with my ornery streak. But for now, I’ll remain a Twitter fan, as it’s proving to be an excellent way to make friends that turn into connections.

But I prefer they be friends first, connections second. Maybe I won’t get very far with that attitude, but at least I can live with myself in the meanwhile.

G.

This is called writing, believe it or not…