Successful Relationships Reading Corner

This week’s blog is about being present in your relationship. Here are some writings on that subject.

Are You Fully Present in Your Relationship or Marriage? “You know that feeling you get when you’re talking to your partner or spouse and they don’t seem to be “there there?” By that, I mean, a part of them is somewhere else, and it’s not with you. You might wonder where their mind is, or feel insulted or hurt that they’re not being fully present in your company.”

The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment “Mindfulness boosts your awareness of how you interpret and react to what’s happening in your mind. It increases the gap between emotional impulse and action, allowing you to do what Buddhists call recognizing the spark before the flame. Focusing on the present reboots your mind so you can respond thoughtfully rather than automatically. Instead of lashing out in anger, backing down in fear, or mindlessly indulging a passing craving, you get the opportunity to say to yourself, ‘This is the emotion I’m feeling. How should I respond?'”

The Importance of Staying Present in a Relationship “In this way, we create a shared environment of presence. Even if your partner is not as present, you can create this space. Often if one person does it, the other will follow. But we must remember to cultivate this space even in the absence of conflict. This means we do our best to stay present, and invite our partner to share in it with openness and non-judgment.”

Relationship Resolution 4: Be Present “As a marriage therapist, I am often asked what are the problems that drive couples to my office. One of the most common and, in my view, saddest is when couples describe their relationship as being more like roommates than spouses. They frequently describe their life together as one of parallel existence with limited meaningful interaction, let alone any real intimacy.”