Endings

I have a confession to make – every so often I have not made it to watch my students walk across the stage at Commencement. You may feel that is unbearably callous of me, so I’d better explain.

Sometimes, at the end of a semester, I’m exhausted; and on occasions I’ve fallen ill with some sort of flu-like ailment, right after I’m clear of grading.

Now, I cannot be sure that this is an actual ailment. It could be psycho-somatic. All I know is that this year I had all the symptoms of flu, plus a deep, deep sadness at having to say goodbye to students I’ve grown to know, admire, and love over the previous four years.

After thirty years of teaching I’d expected to be immune. I suspect the real truth is that every class, every student, opens my heart just a little more to the poignancy of knowing that I probably won’t see most of these people again – nor should I. They need to go and make their own lives. So while I am happy for them, I’m also very aware that I’m losing some wonderful people….