Soak Up Some Self-Love

Today, is the summer solstice, thought by ancients to be the best time of the year to manifest your goals and desires. By harnessing the power of the sun, you can simultaneously fuel the change you crave and incinerate those qualities and situations you'd like to see go up in flames. Yes, please.

But before we move forward, I need to back up...

Last November, Gloomnami 2015 hit Bohemian Bay and knocked me on my ass and off my game. It was not my first bout with the blues. I’ve always danced with depression. But, this one was especially debilitating. Despite my determination to make my theme song “I Feel Good” or “Walking on Sunshine,” it seems “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” by The Smiths was playing on a constant loop in the background of my life.  For several months, every day started with a black tide that rose and washed over me, leaving me lonely and scared, unable to fully-function—not feeling up to seeing anyone or doing anything. I’ve only just recently found a renewed sense of hope and purpose.
 
Of course, to keep history from repeating itself, I became determined to figure out why. Why? I have a loving husband, fabulous friends, free time, disposable income, decent health, and even a place to get away, so why in the hell was I so damn melancholy? Why? What was I missing?
 
After serious soul-searching, I realized what I lacked was a solid sense of self-esteem.
 
It’s something I’ve been struggling with since my late twenties. At least three days out of every week, I have a crippling level of doubt about my abilities and innate worth. Of course, I’ve mastered the art of faking it. I’ve learned to psych myself up, pull up my big girl thongs, put on the game face, and pretend to be bold and badass. But when the bravado fades, I'm an exhausted heap of unhappiness.
 
I could blame it on an excessively dysfunctional childhood. Seriously, my formative years were fucked up…like verging on Augusten Burroughs-level fucked up…but I don’t want to blame this on anyone or anything. I just want to fix it. I have to fix it. Why? Because I’m almost fifty years old. I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to be able to fully embrace exactly who I am, become audaciously authentic without fear of judgement, and then use it for good.
 
After reading dozens of articles on the topic, I’ve compiled the best advice from each on how to achieve real self-worth and lasting self-love. This is what I came up with, in my own words:
 
1) Treat your body like a temple, not CBGB during the early eighties.
2) Perfectionism is a punk ass bitch...and social media is its BFF. 
3) Stop talking smack…about yourself.                    
4) Know yourself as well as you do your favorite celebrity.
5) Learn to have fun with flaws.
6) Get an attitude of gratitude.
7) Reserve a sheet of gold stars just for you.
8) Double dog dare you to try new things.
9) Realize nothing is as sexy as kindness.
 
Each week…month…fortnight…hell, however long it takes…I’m going to work on one of these principles. Come along on the journey with me. Come on…please…it’ll be fun. Perhaps, not eating cupcakes with sprinkles in a pile of kittens fun, but definitely kayaking in a kaftan while bourbon-tipsy fun. So, let’s harness the sun and do this. Let the manifesting begin.