I have been tagged

I was attacked by another author on twitter who insisted I answer these 11 questions. Normally, I would thumb my nose at such things, but I needed something to talk about other than Frostbite is releasing on Amazon. (You know it's out right? You can order it in paperback. It's awesome.)
So to distract from me checking my Amazon rank, here's 11 random questions:
1. How many cups of coffee/tea/adult beverage must you consume to effectively write?
I need the rough equivalent of 4 cups of coffee from Diet Dr. Pepper to function. Rum is an effective substitute, but creates a very different writing experience.
2. What genre best describes your personality?
Urban fantasy. It's close to what everyone else expects, but when you get too close it gets awfully twisty at the edges.
3. If you were to get rid of one state in the U.S., what would it be and why?
I'm going to defer to Larry the Cucumber on this one and go with South Dakota.
4. A penguin walks through your door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?
Hello sir. Have you heard the good news of Argentina Chthulu?
5. If Tolkien and Austen were to have a Rap Battle, who would win? Why?
It's hard to imagine Tolkien losing a rap battle to any one. He's such a philologist. If he can't think of the right word that rhymes, he'll just invent something new and say its the language of Mordor or Elvish.
6. What is your honest opinion on garden gnomes?
A little bit creepy, but not the worst thing to display on your front yard. I'd like to see a garden gnome riding a flamingo, decked out for battle.
7. If you had to create a horocrux, what object would you use and where would you hide it?
My stuffed monkey. He's soft, fluffy, and adorable, which would make it really hard for anyone to destroy.
8. What footwear do you typically wear while writing?
I try to avoid shoes at home at all costs. If I am wearing footwear, it's because I suspect I'm about to leave (one more paragraph, honey) so it's my black sneakers.
9. Do you shower before you start your day or shower before bed?
Writers with 3 kids and a day job have time to shower? Seriously. I missed the memo. I get what I can, when I can.
10. If you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?
Peanut Butter and Jelly. I want to be a beloved classic.
11. If you’re the kind of person who actually responds to challenges when tagged on Twitter, why do you feel compelled to respond?
I feel the need for social justification for my writing and this gave me the opportunity to seek your approval.