WE TALK WITH EARS ON MUTE

I was doing a blood run this afternoon ...

A mother was crossing the busy street with her little child in tow, ear glued to her cellphone.  

She walked right in front of an oncoming vehicle.

Luckily for the child, the driver was more alert than the mother.

We are the addicted society.

We go to a social gathering, and everyone has their nose glued to their smartphones.  

We do not experience the world around us.

We walk with eyes wide shut.  We talk with ears on mute, with hearts shielded in cyber-armor.

Four-fifths of my department use what they call VOX when communicating to others in our department.

Sometimes they have to ask clarification questions when if they simply TALKED TO the other person over the phone, 

no questions would have had to be asked and the transaction would have been much shorter.

I asked each of them why.  

Same answer.  "I don't like to talk to people.  On VOX, I ask a question, and I get a recorded answer."

Doing this harms us.

 Having a conversation with another person teaches us to, in effect, have a conversation with ourselves — 

to think and reason and self-reflect. 

That particular skill is a bedrock of development. 

 Take the texted apology ... “saying ‘I’m sorry’ and hitting send”

 Here what’s lost when we type instead of speak. 

A full-scale apology means I know I’ve hurt you, I get to see that in your eyes.

You get to see that I’m uncomfortable, and with that, the compassion response kicks in. 

There are many steps and they’re all bypassed when we text. 

When the apology takes place over the phone rather than in person, the visual cues are lost, of course, 

but the voice — and the sense of hurt and contrition it can convey — is preserved. 

Part of the appeal of texting in these situations is that it’s less painful — 

but that pain is the point. 

The complexity and messiness of human communication gets shortchanged.

Those things are what lead to better relationships.

We are becoming conversation-avoidant — mostly because it’s easier. 

Texting an obligatory birthday greeting means you don’t have to fake an enthusiasm you’re not really feeling. 

 Texting a friend to see what time a party starts 

means you don’t also have to ask “How are you?” and, worse, get an answer.

Too much texting amounts to a life of “hiding in plain sight."

And the thing about hiding is, it keeps you entirely alone.


WHAT DO YOU THINK?