Recent Events and Being a Parent

15 June 2016

This began as note to my son and daughter-in-law but took a rapid turn after the first sentence:

I have been thinking about (disappointed by, astounded at…) some of our acquaintances’ reactions to the latest round of violence in Orlando. Revenge, self-defense, and/or “pro-active” shooting seem to be the themes around here. I never knew these viewpoints existed to such an exclusive degree. Prevention and long term solutions, like finding a cause for the violence, never enter their minds. No proactive thoughts, only reactive ones.

I have also been thinking about Mother’s Day/Father’s Day—never a great topic for me anyway. But this year, I find myself going back to so many articles about “How to Talk to Your Children about Terror (Killings, Violence…).”

How do parents deal with this latest tragedy? Or the next one? I always thought my granddaughter was an incredibly lucky child to have the parents she has. And, by extension, I always felt very lucky that I never had to worry about the upbringing she was getting. I wondered how she was reacting to what she heard about Orlando. I wondered how you could possibly handle her questions or prepare her for questions she might come up with in days to come. Do you (any parents) try to desensitize children so they won’t be in constant fear or be traumatized by the news? Would that leave a child thinking violence is a “norm”? Do you try to offer explanations where none seem to suffice? Do you just admit it makes no sense to you either and wonder if that would leave a sense of insecurity in a child who relies on parents for answers? How do you keep the minds and bodies of your little “chicks” safe?

I went through another dozen such questions before realizing what I really wanted was to sit there with her and hear the answers for myself. This latest event—along with a violent threat to our favorite waitress, that happened in a restaurant we go to often— has become the proverbial last straw in my psyche. I realized that had happened when my first real “writer’s block” broke and I wrote/changed a main character from having nagging discontent to having full blown loss of hope. How can I get this character back from the depths of his loss of awe with the world, when I don’t know how to do it for myself anymore?

This topic of wanton aggression against others isn’t going to die down, isn’t going to go away, and won’t stop affecting our daily lives. Neither will climate change, declining educational standards, increasing corporate greed, pesticides in our food, nor any of the other problems in our society. Not in this generation. It’s a daunting world in which to raise a child. I am not the “wise old crone.” I have no solutions, only admiration for you.

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