SHOCKING NEWS! WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN?

Obama Endorses Hillary Clinton, and Urges Democrats to Unite

"We thought surely that he would endorse Donald Trump" said Alister McAsswipe, chair of the National Commission on Toiletry. " No seasoned observer of political life,  expert intellectual or celebrity name dropper could have anticipated he would take such bold, brave and controversial position."

Other experts, media illuminati, hollywood financial agents and their wealthy owners were equally shocked.

"It's in keeping with his completely unpredictable positions since taking power. Like, who could have imagined he'd continue billion dollar support for Israel and total disregard for the Palestinian people? Or bending over for private insurers in creation of the private health insurance protection racket, or Obamacare? The man has been everything his followers believed he would be; a total enemy of the establishment and furious fighter for the rights of the common people. Um, I think."

The spokesperson, wearing a propeller beanie and having forgotten to wash his-her-its hands after leaving a trans-species comfort station for pets  ( no homeless humans allowed!) asked to remain anonymous, claiming relatives in Syria who might be threatened by Assad, or Putin, or somebody foreign.