Characters and Likability: I Don’t Have to Like You, But…

A number of interconnected items have popped up on my radar the past little while. This one here, an article by Kameron Hurley called “In Defense of Unlikeable Women,” has hit the nail on the head for me.

I won’t get into the frustrating double standard about women who are not likeable being unrelatable versus unlikeable men being misunderstood Everymen. Hurley gets to the heart of that in her article far better than I could hope to, so I will leave it to her.

However, I want to poke at the idea from a reader’s perspective, and a writer’s. Like I said to all the unlikeable characters out there in my title, I don’t have to like you, but I have to find you compelling. I have to find some part of you to identify with that will make me come back to your story instead of tossing you and your unlikableness aside. I have to find some sort of redeeming quality in you that makes me see (if somewhat grudgingly) past your flaws –especially if you’re sporting some pretty nasty flaws.

All of that said, what human being out there, fictional and nonfictional alike, is completely likeable? Completely pleasant and flawless? I certainly am not. Depending on the day, I can be humiliatingly gauche, rude, snide, snotty, sweet, outgoing, affable…you get the idea. I have moments where I’ve stopped and wondered what the hell I just said or did a millisecond ago wishing I could take it back. I’ve had moments where I’ve said or done something perfect at just the right time. I think we’ve all been there.

Perhaps I derailed there, but everyone isn’t liked by everyone all the time. I’ve met people I’ve hated instantly that those I adore just love. Something about them rubs me the wrong way and I can’t get over it. The same thing happens for fictional characters too. I remember reading The Laughing Policeman by Maj Sjowell for a detective fiction class and not being able to stand the book at all, whereas a friend of mine liked it a lot. My main issue was with the incessant whining and self-pitying of the main character concerning his health problems. My friend found those aspects endearing because they reminded her of her dad.

People are subjective –and yes I know I made myself sound like a really awesome human being right there! My likability be damned! Moving on.

As a writer, I have to keep all of my reader ideas in focus, but I also have to be true to my own sense of my character. After reading this article, I realized that I have a tendency to write unlikeable female characters. I like them, I actually really admire them, but from the point of view Hurley analyzes, they are not your “traditional” lead women. They can be rude, selfish, self-centred, controlling, mean, cruel –but they can also be incredibly brave, loyal, loving. I think those last aspects are the ones that my readers will have to grudgingly accept about my characters, and hopefully what keeps them coming back to my stories.

I don’t write “soft” women who don’t like to stir things up because I myself am not soft. I have jagged edges. I suppose that is a good way to put it, so that’s what I write. And as I write this, I see that I too am guilty of attributing traditionally masculine characteristics to women hoping those traits will be forgiven. That’s just messed up. And something to ponder.

I had the best meme come up on my Facebook timeline a while ago that explains this perfectly and I can’t find it! I’m so mad. Basically, it was a shout out to all the female survivors out there who aren’t forgiving (yes, this is in the wake of the infamous Stanford rapist trial sentencing that I really don’t want to think about). I really wish I had screenshotted it because it really spoke to me; it absolved all of the women who have been victimized out there who refuse to forgive their perpetrators or the status quo, who refuse to let go of their grudges, who refuse to be thankful for whatever reason, it commends the ones who are angry and don’t want to stop being angry, because that’s how they survive.

People, especially a lot of women, have the right –and damn reason!– to be angry. I know I have a deep well of anger about a lot of things in our world. And you know what, I write that into my work, even though it might not make things very tidy or nice. Who wants to read tidy or nice?

As a writer, I’m going to keep writing “unlikeable” characters because I like them, especially the women. I like to write about flawed people who are just doing their best to get through life the only way they know how and who will hopefully come out the other side a little better, stronger, and happier. As a reader, I will always gravitate to these characters because even when I hate them, I can respect them and route for them.

And isn’t that what matters?

By the way, this is my 150th post for Anxiety Ink! Yay me!

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