I Am Back From the Grave (and Why I Was There In the First Place)

Okay, maybe not entirely? ^^^ This Simon Pegg gif is actually me. I might just drop from pure exhaustion and never get back up. I've had to start calling friends before I go to work at 7AM (because mornings = Earth's Mordor) so I can have conversations and laugh and ACTUALLY WAKE UP...and then spend 8-11 hours with a 1.5 year old who doesn't talk yet.
(I realy love my job, okay, but sometimes....)
But to the point: I am back. I HAVE ARRIVED! And I have lots of fun goodies ready for the year 2016. January was stressful and sometimes I imagine I will block it out of my mind entirely in the future. (Except for the lessens I learned. I MUSN'T FORGE THOSE. I'D RATHER NOT LEARN THEM AGAIN, THANK YOU MUCHLY.)
Basically, 2016 is off to a....weird (???) start. Good, but weird. I finished editing Draft 3 of THE COLOR PROJECT on paper, so now I'm putting those edits into the computer to create a brand-spankin'-new Draft 4. And you know what happens when D4 is done? QUERIES!
Yes, I'm totally freaking out/hyperventilating and sometimes I rethink everything like down to career choice and my entire life up to this point and wonder if maybe I should go back to school to become a zoologist because anything would be better than the terror/stress monster living and growing inside of me and then I remember HEY I ACTUALLY LOVE THIS BOOK A TON AND IT'S ALREADY CHANGED LIVES SO -
Queries it is.
Somewhere out there on this great big planet, an agent is looking for my book. In a few short weeks-months-years she is going to get it in her inbox and thank the contemporary romance gods for Levi and Bee and their PRECIOUS BABY CINNAMON ROLL ROMANCE.
(If you haven't noticed or started to feel a touch concerned, I'm wide awake at 1AM and have everything to say. I do apologize.)
My biggest frustration right now is that when I started putting my notes into the document, everything felt...weird?? Not everything, actually. I lied. Just the first chapter. BUT THIS IS THE FIRST FREAKIN' CHAPTER, DUDES. THAT'S AN AGENTS 2ND AND MOST IMPORTANT GLIMPSE INTO MY WORLD. I mean, the query's great, but you can have someone else help you work a query until it's excellent. Lots of idiots send in great resumes and get hired....only for their bosses to later discover everything was a lie/an exaggeration and they regret everything.
I don't want to be that person. I want to start off strong and BAM BOOM WOW YOU LOVE ME. Every writer's dream, right? And while my first chapter wasn't bad at all (actually, I *loved* how it set up the story), it wasn't up to par with the rest of the book. I'd just come off the high of reading my own VERY! EXCITING! BITTERSWEET! ROMANTIC! CLIMAX! and was a bit like "....wait. No. I said no."


(Me, going a little bit crazy. Totally worth it.)
This, of course, was disheartening because it pushed EVERYTHING BACK. It made everything feel like a million times harder and unreachable because rewriting your (1st draft) original 1st chapter that you and 25+ readers have LOVED.....well. That's not how I wanted to start this draft.
My readers don't even know I'm doing this yet. Oops. Sorry, lovely and warm cinnamon-spice-latte betas, if this is how you're finding out. The first chapter is going to change just a tad. You love me. Don't forget all the things I've done for you.

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In the end, that is why I have been gone - erm, in the grave. But I have survived/been reborn. I am here ro unleash my writerly delight and mayhem upon the world and NO ONE WILL STOP ME.
*curls up in bed* *falls alseep*
(But before I'm rude and forget - how did January treat you guys? What's life like? Writing? How are you? TELL ME ABOUT IT ALL.)