Forty Three is the New Eighty!!
It's my birthday today. I'm forty three. Most women wouldn't broadcast that kind of information to the public because they don't want anyone to know how old they are. HEY LADIES. YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG.
All you silly girls are playing this card backwards. See, when you get older you don't lie about your age and tell people you're younger than you really are. The lying must take the numbers higher. See, if I look the way I do today, even if I plastic surgerize (Yes that's a word. Yes it is. IT IS!) My face and boobs and butt, and tell people I'm thirty, they may or may not buy it.
There's only so much stretching, poking and zapping a surgeon can do before you look like Barbie. (And I don't mean in a good way. I mean the real plastic doll. The "can't move a muscle, smiling is my only expression and blinking is no longer an option" Barbie).
SO! When you feel your face has lost it's sparkle and your butt follows you around like a poorly sewn on bustle, don't deactivate all of your facial muscles and lie and tell people you're thirty. Leave your wrinkling face as is and tell people you're eighty.
I mean think about it. The response you'd get for THAT lie would be far more rewarding than the other one.
I may not look nineteen anymore but I'm a damn fine lookin' eighty year old. You are too. No matter what you look like. You can go to all the early bird special dinners at Sizzler and be the total hottie in the room. Or better yet, go to a dance at the old folks home and totally KILL.
I just don't think people are as dumb as you hope they are when you waltz into the room with perma-poltergeist clown face and tell them "It's natural. You've never had surgery. You're just thirty."
My idea is far better. It's far cheaper. And a lot less work. In fact, it requires no work. Really. I'm a genius. So go back to the surgeon and cancel your appointment. We don't want to compete with the twenty somethings. We can't understand anything they say anyway. But we CAN compete with the eighty year old broads nooooo problem, right?
Okay then! Pick up your bustle and waddle on down to the Sizzler! Hurry up! It's almost four o'clock!
All you silly girls are playing this card backwards. See, when you get older you don't lie about your age and tell people you're younger than you really are. The lying must take the numbers higher. See, if I look the way I do today, even if I plastic surgerize (Yes that's a word. Yes it is. IT IS!) My face and boobs and butt, and tell people I'm thirty, they may or may not buy it.
There's only so much stretching, poking and zapping a surgeon can do before you look like Barbie. (And I don't mean in a good way. I mean the real plastic doll. The "can't move a muscle, smiling is my only expression and blinking is no longer an option" Barbie).
SO! When you feel your face has lost it's sparkle and your butt follows you around like a poorly sewn on bustle, don't deactivate all of your facial muscles and lie and tell people you're thirty. Leave your wrinkling face as is and tell people you're eighty.
I mean think about it. The response you'd get for THAT lie would be far more rewarding than the other one.
I may not look nineteen anymore but I'm a damn fine lookin' eighty year old. You are too. No matter what you look like. You can go to all the early bird special dinners at Sizzler and be the total hottie in the room. Or better yet, go to a dance at the old folks home and totally KILL.
I just don't think people are as dumb as you hope they are when you waltz into the room with perma-poltergeist clown face and tell them "It's natural. You've never had surgery. You're just thirty."
My idea is far better. It's far cheaper. And a lot less work. In fact, it requires no work. Really. I'm a genius. So go back to the surgeon and cancel your appointment. We don't want to compete with the twenty somethings. We can't understand anything they say anyway. But we CAN compete with the eighty year old broads nooooo problem, right?
Okay then! Pick up your bustle and waddle on down to the Sizzler! Hurry up! It's almost four o'clock!
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