Fairytales: What Disney Doesn't Want You to Know
WARNING: LITTLE KIDS, FOR THE LOVE OF PINK PONIES, DO NOT READ THIS POST.
Searching for "Happily Ever After?" I suggest you go down the fairytale aisle at the bookstore…and keep walking. Take this little quiz I made about the original versions of our beloved fairytales and find out why…
1. How is the evil Queen punished in the story of Snow White?
a. She does the dwarves' laundry for three months
b. She falls into a chasm and is crushed by a boulder
c. Snow White makes her dance in red hot iron shoes until she falls down dead
2. What happens to Little Red Riding Hood at the end of the story?
a. A woodsman rescues her
b. She skips home happily
c. The wolf eats her alive
3. How is Sleeping Beauty awakened?
a. The alarm clock rings
b. The Prince kisses her
c. The King has his way with her and fathers two children while she is asleep. One child sucks her finger and pulls out the piece of cursed flax that kept her asleep.
4. What happens to Goldilocks when she meets the three bears?
a. The bears make popcorn and invite her to watch a Doctor Who marathon with them
b. She jumps out of the window and breaks her neck
c. The bears rip her apart and eat her
5. What happens to Cinderella's stepsisters?
a. They are invited to the wedding and are seated next to the restroom
b. They get a job at Payless Shoes
c. After trying to squeeze their feet into Cinderella's slipper by cutting off chunks of their feet, two pigeons tell on them and peck their eyes out
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Answers:
Um…I've actually decided to leave this part out. I still want to believe in happy endings, don't you?