VIRTUAL PARAMOURS FOR NETWORKING PEOPLE

I’m being constantly bugged by robot programs and young women looking for a good man to marry, or so they say. Phishing websites have an ‘evolve or die’ attitude, y’know?
At first, they tried to fish info out of me with robot programs. But they are too impersonal: they just contact you when you are not logged in, drop a funny line (Hi Jeffrey, how r u? I’m here in Ao Nang and I’m sooo bored. I’m not always on FB, so it’s better if u give me urcell number, so I can contact u directly. Stay hot!), then disconnect before you can reply. It’s not going to work in the long distance.
So, they are now hiring actual people: they create a fake account in a social network (you can spot them by the profile pic showing a gorgeous gal or guy in a sexy pose and by the lack of personal info), send you a friendship request, then immediately contact you by private messages. And you can have some interesting (?) conversation with them.
Most of my author friends often complain about receiving this kind of messages. Heck, they contact you even on Goodreads.
‘Eeewww,  had a guy, half the age of my grandson, hitting on me in my inbox…”
That’s not a guy trying to get into your knickers. He just wants your phone number.
Well, this kind of thing can be clearly useless, but I’ve learned from a humorist blogger (Don Mills) that you can get some cheap fun, just for the sake of it.
Here’s an actual conversation between me and a ‘Maria.
Enjoy.
THE FIRST DAY  
MariaHello
JKHi
Mariahow are you doing to day
JKGood.How can I help you?
Mariajust making friends here
JKHow did you find me?Spotted me in some groups?
Mariai am a new people on facebook
JKInterested in writers?I see you are friend with Joe. Oh, btw, where are you typing from?
THE SECOND DAY
Mariai am here
JKHi again.
Mariahow are you doing today
JKFine thanks. What about you?
Mariai am also fine
JKGood to hear that.
Mariayes\where do you come from
JKBorn in the US, but I live in the UKYou?
Mariaokji was born in US to but now im living in tamale
JKTamale?
Mariayesthat is in wast Africa
JKGhana?
Mariayes
JKAre you a reader?
Mariado you know ghana
JKNo, never been there.
Mariaso what do you know about ghana
JKI just know it's a countryAnd ...
Mariaok i am living in ghanawith my mum
JKGhana, officially the Republic of Ghana, is a sovereign nation-state and unitary presidential constitutional republic located on the Gulf of Guinea and Atlantic Ocean in Africa. Ghana consists of ten territorial administrative regions with several islands and it is bordered by the Ivory Coast to the west, Burkina Faso to the north, Togo to the east and the Gulf of Guinea and Atlantic Ocean to the south. The word Ghanameans “Warrior King”.That's all I know.
Mariaoh i seehow old are you
JKToo old. I'm vergin’ 45.
MariaNoSo married or single
JKBeen married for 19 years, now I'm living with my new Lady.
MariaOk what is the name of your lady
JKWhy do you want to know my Lady's name?
MariaOkOh i just asking
JKI mean, it's an odd conversation, don't you agree?Do you want to know my Lady? I can introduce you to her. She is a writer, like me.
MariaOkI see
JKWhat do you for a living, Maria?Are you a writer? A publisher? An editor?
MariaRight now im looking for a good man to get married
JKOh, I seeAnd you are looking for it on ... the web? I can point you to some dating sites.
THE FOLLOWING MORNING
MariaHello There,am here for you are you there with me as well?
JKSorry, just fell asleep, ma'am. You ask questions, then answer back after a long while. I’m no longer a young lad.
MariaOkSo can you give me your phone number so i can taxi you
JKSure, here's a photo of my phone Hope it can helpI can even send you a pic of my home.
MariaOk
JKThat's my flat:
MariaSo can i have the number
JKDo you want a pic of my driving license, too?
MariaOk
JKOh, sorry I lost it, but I can send you a pic of my Babylon5 Fan Club cardCan you send me a pic of you wearing a Vorlon suit?
MariaOk
JKThanks, I really appreciate.
Mariacan i have the number
JK That's a pic of my passport
Mariaok..
JKSorry, been busy looking for my phone number
Mariaokso did you get it..?
JKExcellent news. I was able to locate my driver’s license. It was in the socks drawer, right next to an old business card and some suspicious old and dirty undies. Attached is a photo. Mariaoh goodHello Dear , Can you Give me your Cell Phone Number when ever i get Online i can text you to come on as well.
JKDear Miss Cass, unfortunately I do have some urgent business to deal with. I sincerely hope you'll be here when I'll be back from the shi ... I mean, the bathroom. My BestJK
JKMaria? Are you there? Here’s a photographic scan of my passport. I think that will help.
My Best,JK
P.S.: Still eagerly waiting for that Vorlon suit pic …

So, next time you are approached by those lovingly helpful virtual paramours, don't be rude. Just bring then on a wild goose chase.
MY BEST