Jump!

I stand on the ledge, the wind rushes against my face and I can't hold back the tears. I blame the wind but it doesn't matter. Not anymore.

I look down and see my family. Their faces a mixture of fear and sadness. My wife stares at me, she calls to me not to do it.

I shuffle closer. My toes now stick out over the edge and I can feel the pull of the earth grabbing at them. A strange sensation rushes over me. A calm that just can't be explained.

I have caused them so much hurt over the years. The drinking, the gambling, I threw it all away and with it tossed them aside. I would disappear for days on end, sometimes even weeks. I would drink myself to the point of death and then sober up at the casino, and then start all over again, coming home not because I missed them, because I wanted to read my son a bed-time story or watch my son take his first steps. But because I had nothing left.

I take another step, my balance shifts, the wind increases. I can feel myself approach the point of no return. If I just lean forward now, then it will be over with. The hurt and the pain will be left behind.

I take a breath, I remember the good times as the tears stream down my face. My legs weaken. I see my son being born, I remember holding my daughter close to me for days on end. They were happy times. Times I wanted back.

"I've changed my mind." I call, but I'm too far away from them.

I don't need to do this, to be standing here. I could turn and walk away and still be that person I once was. I can change.

I turn… I slip… I fall

The air rushes past me, I flail with my arms as I try to claw my way back up, but it is no use.

I hear their gasps, and when I looked I see the scream etched onto my daughters face.'

"I'm so sorry honey" I call, but they are too far away, and I am falling too fast.

The ground speeds towards me, my hear thunders in my chest. I can't believe it came to this, how did I let it get that far.

The concrete is but meters away, my body wants to close its eyes and curl up. Yet I am done with being a coward. I force them open and gaze at my family. I rush past them now, and I see their faces turn into smiles. "

I let myself go, this was my decision and I would see it through. I stare and my hand, I clasp the small medallions tightly. I turned it over within my clenched fist.

I still find it hard to believe. 5 years sober. I am proud of myself, and doing this was the best way to move on, to leave it all behind.

I smile just as the cord reaches its stretch and fires me back up into the air. This time I look around and the see the beauty in the world.

"YES" I scream, and as the bungee cord bounces again I feel that old drunk fall away and all that's left is ….

Me.