Taking the bad times with the good
What an awful day.
I wish that no one would have to see a child in a coffin. Keegan looked as innocent and beautiful in death as in life. His white casket was child-sized. He was buried with a teddy bear my baby brother gave him and a bunch of Fire Department patches and pins.
The service was long and hard. On two huge screens above, they ran a video of pictures of Keegan. He was an extremely photogenic child. All I could think while watching was - gods, they look so happy. He was a happy, happy little boy. So many smiles, so many memories. And that's all Scott and Shannon have left.
They had a singer with a beautiful voice who sang some of Keegan's favorite church songs. Many people spoke, including an absolutely gut-wrenching poem from his brother and a bittersweet remembrance of Keegan stories from my Aunt Patti.
I felt like it was Cory's funeral all over again, just without the military. Every fire department and police department in Louisville was represented. The final receiving line after the service was nothing but uniformed public safety. It's wonderful the support network you find in public service. They completely shut down Breck and Bardstown, two completely busy streets, for the funeral procession. Keegan had uniformed, motorcycle Sheriff's deputies to lead the way, as well as all the family's police and fire cars in the procession running their lights. As proud as I was to see Keegan being so honored simply because Scott and Shannon have touched so many lives in public safety, it also really opened up that scar in my heart where my forever love for Cory sits.
The graveside service was short and sweet. I waited until many people had left before I stepped up to Cory's tombstone and finally let myself have a good cry with my head against it. I want him back. I want Shannon and Scott to have Keegan back.
I can not even imagine. For 6 years, Shannon's entire life has been about Keegan. Every minute of every day has been spent with her child. Now, I wonder if she finds herself looking for him, you know? Does she stand, speaking to a friend, and suddenly look around, searching for Keegan? It's something every mother gets used to doing; he's not right at your feet, so you look around for him. And the immediate pain that would come from realizing you're looking for a child who is no longer there…I have a horrible, deep hurt inside me for Shannon. And for Scott, too, who has now lost two sons.
Cory at least got to accomplish so much in his life. He loved being a firefighter. His kindness led him to be so involved in the Crusade for Children every year, and the love he had of his country led him to the US Marines. He touched so many, many people in the 25 years he had - goddess, it's strange. I'm older now than Cory was when he died.
At 6 years old, Keegan didn't have that chance. It's not fair.
Death is never fair.
