Til Two Years Do Us Part

By Nancy Pickard

"Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work."  ~Author Unknown

 My 14-year marriage notwithstanding, in romantic relationships I was only good for about two years, tops.   So I'm REELY interested in long-running ones.  I poke and prod them--ouch! tickle! Stop that!--to see how they tick, how two people keep themselves awake and paying attention to each other for all those years.  HONEY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

Almost all of my closest friends have really really long and solid marriages.  I'm thinking of Karen & David, Sally & Don,  Margaret & Joe, Sue and Newell, Linda and Andy, Judy & Bob, Cathy & Rick, Mary & Phyllis, and John & Frank.  Which means that when I go out with them--and they are all incredibly nice about including me--I'm the only child in the back seat again.  We joke about it.  I call them Mom and Dad, and it's only my advanced age and extreme maturity (hahaha) that keeps me from kicking the backs of their seats and whining, "Are we there yet?"   I see them frequently--or at least the ones in town.  They're so generous, inviting me to dinner, including me in their family stuff.  I'm really grateful to them.  But, I confess, their marriages intrigue the heck out of me and make me wonder what is the matter with me that I could never do it. 

     "A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time."  ~Anne Taylor Fleming

 I think marriage is a talent I wasn't born with and never developed, you know?  It's not that I'm not a thoughtful roommate; I'm pretty sure I am.  I try to be.  And it's not that I'm not affectionate and supportive, and all that.  Why, I'm a regular cheerleader.  But at heart, I'm still an only child, I suspect; I don't get lonely; I'm maybe too self-sufficient; I'm happy on my own.  I'm also a binge kind of gal, not a steady-as-she-goes girl.  I binge on tv series, binge on my writing, binge on gardening, binge on Facebook, binge on Words With Friends. . .practically anything I do.  If I find a novel I love, I'll read three more of them by the same author, and do it over a weekend.  You can see how this might translate into a romantic problem over the long haul, because there could never *be* a long haul!  I'm a short-haul trucker, vroom, vroom.

 More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

 Another word for my behavior is, of course, "addict," not that there's anything wrong with that.  Fortunately, all of my addictions, currently, are legal.  But compared to most sane people I know, I'm an anomaly, a single yellow jelly bean in a sea of mated orange ones.  I realize the demographics of this kind of thing have changed, but you'd never know it from my friends. 

My orange friends are, statistically, going to be healthier, live longer, and be happier than I. I think I'm pretty healthy and happy, but I can certainly see how the continuing love, trust, support of another person could boost a person's immune system, etc., etc.

            Me, I always wanted to murder them by two years and one month into it.

            "You chewed ice cubes one too many times, buddy!"

            Hey, it's me, I know.  But I'm willing to learn, even though I'll never apply it in this life.  But maybe I'll be primed for next time around.  ::wagging puppy tail::

            So, you guys. . .

            A lot of you have been married a long time, right? 

            How'd you do it?  I mean, seriously, how?

            What do you like about going on for so long with another human being?  You may think the answers are obvious, but they aren't for relationship sprinters like me.  You're the marathoners.  I'm merely on the sidelines holding out bottles of water--or champagne--as you come around again on your anniversaries.  "Oh, yay! Here come Margaret and Joe again!"

            I love you long-running types.  I could just hug and smoosh you, because  you're so cute together, and what would I do for a *good* home-cooked meal without you?!

            But, really, how do you DO it?

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P.S. Garden update!

Remember this? 

Now, it's this. . .

 Because of you guys, I put in a rose bush and a LOT of lavendar, and I love them.

So thank you!  There will be more to come and more to bloom.